Nervosa
by Weeaboofuckingtrash
Summary: L had always been thin. It's nothing to worry about...right? But Light notices it before everyone else. What will it take to make L realize the damage he's doing? Eating disorder themed, Light and L relationship later on.
1. Confrontation

It honestly wasn't too long until the others in the task force began to notice.

Naturally, it was Light who had pointed it out. Not to L's face yet, though. He'd the pleasure of doing that later. But like any other good detective, Light wanted to make sure he wasn't alone in his observations.

Matsuda wasn't really doing anything but chatting with Aizawa, obviously annoying the man. Light made his way from his seat next to L, who was too focused on thinking to bother noticing that the other man had left his side.

Light shoved a hand in his pocket, walking up to the small group of men that were indeed in charge of catching _him_. He was glad the group wasn't standing so far away that he'd have to jerk the handcuffs.

"Hey, can I ask you guys a question?" Light had displayed his 'innocent' voice like he usually did when talking to them.

Everyone stopped what they were doing to pay attention to the young man. His father holding a stack of documents nodded, the rest following the gesture.

"Yeah Light, what is it?" Mastuda asked in all of his dumbfounded glory.

Before speaking, Light took a look over his shoulder to make sure L was preoccupied.

"Alright, it can't _just _be me noticing this, but doesn't Ryuzaki look a little...thin?" He tried to sound as concerned as possible. Partially as a human, yeah he was worried in a sense. But this was mostly out of Light's curiosity. And enjoyment. Any flaw he could find in L would make his life a thousand times better.

Aizawa rolled his eyes. "I don't know where your head has been, but Ryuzaki has _always _looked thin."

Alright, Light could give him that one.

"No I mean-"

Matsuda chimed in, interrupting being his specialty "OHHHH, I see what you mean now Light! The sweater he usually wears _is_ getting a lot looser."

Soichiro just listened, he never really paid attention to that kind of thing since he was so stressed out from wondering if his son would ever clear his name.

"Clothing stretches, Mastuda." Aizawa crossed his arms in the other man's direction.

Light grimaced secretly. Really? He tries to tell them something and these fuckers start bickering.

"I've seen him without a shirt, I sleep in the same room as him. I can tell that he's losing weight." Light tried to hide his annoyance.

Soichiro paid attention this time. "And you took the time to stare at Ryuzaki while he's not wearing a shirt?"

_Oops_

Light scoffed. "That's beside the point. Also, haven't you been noticing his eating habits lately?"

Aizawa hated to admit it, but he noticed too. "Yeah...he hasn't been eating nearly as much crap as he usually does."

Light smirked, finally some agreement. "And, what has Ryuzaki been doing lately after he _does_ eat.?"

All three men spoke at the same time. "**He goes to the bathroom**."

The young man nodded. "That's weird isn't it?"

Matsuda looked down. "Uh...I suppose so. I mean I don't know why but I have noticed that he's being weird lately."

_Weirder than usual, anyway. _

Light wasn't a patient guy, he'd have to spit it out for them. "Matsuda, Ryuzaki throws his food up."

Everyone dead-panned. Mostly Matsuda, of course.

"People actually do that?!" The dark haired man-child questioned.

Aizawa groaned. "_Yes_, people do that."

Soichiro was the least surprised. "Alright Light, so what you're saying is that Ryuzaki has an eating disorder, but why would he?"

Aizawa wanted to say '_when hasn't he_?' but felt it might be a little too inappropriate.

That's what Light was stuck on too, why of all people there would L have an eating disorder? He was already skinny as hell.

Light knew for sure that conversing with the older men would never lead him to the reason. He'd have to go to the source.

Ignoring his father and the other two, the mass murderer made his way back to his original seat next to the lithe man staring at a computer screen. God the bags under his eyes were worse, Light didn't know if that was even humanly possible.

"Ryuzaki." Light propped himself up on the long working desk, making it a stable seat.

L didn't bother removing his eyes from the screen. Dammit, he's been staring at the same graph for almost an hour now!

"You're going to die soon."

Well, Light never was one to beat around the bush.

This got the over-worked detective's attention_. Is Light finally confessing...?_

"What was that?" The tip of L's thumb made its way into his mouth, his hand shaking ever so slightly.

Light crossed his arms. "You're not eating. You're going to break in half just from rolling over in your sleep if you don't get a grip on yourself."

L's eyes narrowed. He sighed, obviously irritated.

"Light, I appreciate the sentiment, but in the nicest way possible, please piss off."

Even the task force members at the other end of the room stared at that.

This didn't bother Light, not one bit. In fact, it made him smile. "You're just feeding evidence to my theory, Ryuzaki. See how irritated you are?"

L aimed to pick up his coffee cup with a weak hand, spilling drips out of it as he brought it to his mouth. There was no sugar this time.

"If I tell you the reasoning to why I have stopped eating, will you leave it alone?"

"Oh, I don't know. I think that possibility is_...just under five percent_." Light couldn't hold in the laugh he was stifling this time.

Okay, now L was getting pissed. "Mocking me is not the answer, Light." The sleep deprived man cringed at the bitter coffee. _He'd have to endure it though_.

"But...if you must know. I have found that eating is becoming somewhat disgusting to me. And not only that..." L's voice trailed off as he sat the cup back down, turning to face Light who was waiting on the rest of the sentence. "I get a better rush off of food deprivation than I do from sugar."

Light swallowed the non-existent lump in his throat. Why did he feel worried? He shouldn't even fucking care if Ryuzaki starves himself to death, he's his potential _executioner_ after all.

Not being able to help himself, Light went ahead and asked the question nagging his subconscious.

"How long has is been since you've _actually _let food stay in your stomach?"

L looked up to silently count to himself. Light was on the edge of his seat, table, whatever, he was still sitting.

"It's been nineteen days so far I believe."

This _was not _the feeling of sick pleasure Light had expected to get, instead, he felt...empathy.

_Shit._

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><p><strong>Hey there, so I'll most likely update this if people are interested in because I'm emotionally invested in it. So uh, if you like this idea, or don't, let me know...?<strong>


	2. Night

**Before I start the chapter, to kind of 'answer' a question in SeraphicNeko's review, the reason I had L being so nonchalant about telling Light about it is because I don't see L as someone who has "secrets". To me, if he has logical reasoning to it then he wouldn't peg it as an emotional thing that needs to be kept quiet. L seems pretty comfortable speaking his mind from what I took from the manga and anime.**

* * *

><p>It was hard seeing someone just as smart as you, no, <em>smarter than you<em>, going through something that seemed beyond them. It was annoying even. Light wasn't concerned, he was down right _bothered_.

Light could tell that the others in the task force were bothered too, but for different reasons obviously. They all felt that the investigation was even more so at a standstill than usual. Aizawa being the most out-spoken of the group was the one to finally confront L about the whole situation. Of course, once yelling his complaints at the detective, it all just went in one ear and out the other.

Watari was the most concerned out of everyone. It wasn't like him to stick around the room where everyone met up, but lately the elderly man was making frequent trips to check on L. Most of the time he would offer the young man food, which was politely declined.

Light had really had enough of this. He didn't care what was going on inside of L's head, he just wanted to get some damn work done. Or at least clear the atmosphere of the awkward vibe that sat thickly in the room.

Wanting to go up to Watari in private and talk to him was not really an option for Light because of the handcuffs. Light shrugged, oh well, L didn't seem to care about anything being said pertaining to him out in the open anyway.

"Watari, can I speak with you for a moment before you go back?" Light shuffled away from the man he was chained to as far as he could.

Catching his attention, Watari turned away from the door he was about to leave out of. "I don't see why not, what is it?"

"You know him best, what's wrong with Ryuzaki?"

Watari folded his hands together. Light could tell that the old man wasn't liking the question all that much.

L glared at Light from the side, he didn't really like being talked about like he wasn't there.

"Ryuzaki is an adult, and a stubborn one at that. Despite my closeness with him, I cannot make him do anything that he does not wish to." Watari turned to leave again, he wasn't comfortable with this situation. It was rare that L would do something that didn't make any sense to him. And furthermore, Watari tried to respect his actions since there was always a reason.

Before everyone knew it, they were being sent home. It was like this lately. L was getting tired at abnormal times in the day and would let everyone have the rest of the day off. Most times they could all work well into the hours after midnight but with L needing more sleep than usual this wasn't an option. If Light wasn't Kira, then they would definitely never catch the real Kira at this point.

* * *

><p>Light isn't shy about having to shower with L in the room. It's not like him to be bashful about something so simple as being naked. It wasn't sexual, it was just getting clean. The two men hardly even talked while they were in there together. A few dull complaints of "hey can you move a little closer? The handcuffs aren't giving me enough chain to wash my hair." but other than that, while one of them showered the other would either brush their teeth or sit on the edge of the toilet lid and wait. (Or in L's case, stay crouched on the floor).<p>

After L's shower the pair went ahead and got dressed for bed. At first, Light had no trouble minding his own business while the dark haired man got dressed, but now it was difficult.

L's body wasn't beautiful, it was sickly. Ribs poking out every which way. Light shook his head. For the first time he actually felt pity. How could someone sleep with bones like that digging into the mattress?

Light wasn't tired yet, so he stayed on his side of the large bed and got on his laptop. It was becoming boring lately. He missed how things didn't follow routine. He missed the excitement of the Kira case. Did L even suspect him anymore or was the lack of food clouding his judgement?

Even when Light did get tired, it wasn't a walk in the park trying to fall asleep. The constant hisses of "ow" and ruffling of bed clothes from trying to get comfortable kept Light awake for hours on end. Eventually L would just give up on trying to sleep and actually sit at the end of the bed like a normal person.

Only Light had the rare pleasure of seeing L sit normally from time to time. The first time he had seen it, he thought he was dreaming. But he soon noticed that it took too much strength for L to sit crouched, especially on a bed that shifted under any weight.

L was doing it again tonight, sitting at the edge of the bed and visibly shivering.

Light sat up from his side and moved a little closer, but not so much as to violate any personal space they had left.

"Ryuzaki, do you need me to call Watari?" Light feigned as much concern as possible.

L put a hand over his mouth as if he were about to vomit. He simply shook his head 'no' and swallowed thickly.

Light sighed heavily. How many more nights like this would he have to endure?

Accepting that he couldn't do anything, Light returned to his side of the bed. He stared, mentally willing L to at least sleep with a shirt on if he was that damn cold. It wasn't a pleasant sight. L's spine poked out from underneath pale skin that looked like it could tear open at the wrong movement. As much as Light loved seeing a good train wreck, he had to avert his eyes when L was sitting up. Just looking at the bones prodding out made him feel sick.

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><p><strong>Okay, I was going to make this longer, but before I go on with this I was going to make it where Light still had his memories because well, Light as Kira dealing with this is something I would like to write. Does anyone reading this have a problem with that or do I have the okay to alter the original plot to at least that extent? As soon as I get an answer I'll start the next chapter and have it up in an hour or so. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed! <strong>


	3. Talk

Light couldn't help but think that this was his chance. He had L right where he wanted him. The man was weak and vulnerable, in the emotional sense as well. L wasn't easily shoved away from suspicion though, Light would have to be careful about this. If he did this right, he could clear his name _and _have L running around in circles trying to find the _real_ Kira.

It was seven a.m, usually L would wake up around four in the morning but of course, his sleeping patterns were changing from exhaustion.

Watari greeted the door of their room with a light knock, immediately entering afterwards. The elderly man came with L's 'breakfast' on a silver tray.

Light watched L from his side of the bed. He rubbed his dark eyes and sat up, reaching for his shirt that he always threw on the night stand before sleeping. L slipped on the white garment and gave Watari a pleading look.

The older man simply shook his head and sat the tray on the bed in front of L. Watari turned to Light and nodded before leaving.

Light politely nodded back before turning his attention back to the food deprived detective in their bed. L picked at the food with his left hand, holding a piece of fruit and staring at it.

Light groaned, really? _Fucking really? _It was just a piece of an apple. It took everything in him not to just get up and _shove_ the damn food down L's throat. But that wouldn't do him any good right now. Light didn't want to do anything that would raise his Kira percentage. It was time to act. He had to be Light, not Kira.

"You know, a little bite of that won't hurt you, Ryuzaki. I was doing some research, an entire apple only has about seventy calories. That _small_ piece won't make a difference since you burn calories by ju-"

L threw him a glare. Light just didn't understand_. It wasn't about the damn calories_.

Okay, being nice wasn't going to be so easy after-all. Light only knew two emotions: Nice and Evil. What else could he do in this situation?

L returned to gazing angrily at the food in front of him. He could _feel _Light staring at him, just waiting for something interesting to happen. L may not be the same as always, but he still wasn't stupid, _not even close_. L knew that Light was enjoying, just as Kira would. Watching your enemy suffer and make a fool of himself must be glorious for him.

L quirked the side of his mouth up, something you possibly call a smirk. It was missing some smile, but Light could tell that L was thinking something enjoyable.

Thin fingers searched the small plate, finding an untouched piece of strawberry. It wouldn't feel as apparent in his stomach as the apple would have, therefore it was the best choice.

Just to spite the man in bed with him, L went ahead and ate the fruit. He immediately slammed the lid back on the tray and shoved it over to Light who was looking rather perplexed.

L willed himself to get out of bed, straightening his posture for just a moment to stretch before leaning over as usual.

"You can have the rest." The dark haired man stood and waited. "I suggest you hurry of course, we need to get ready before the others arrive."

Light simply took a handful of fruit slices into his hand and threw them into his mouth at once. L sneered at the act. He couldn't remember the last time he had allowed himself so much food.

Putting the tray on the nightstand on his side, Light got up as well. The younger man jerked the cuffs in his direction as a routine sign that he wanted to go to the closet and pick out today's clothing. L followed, letting Light do as he wanted.

L leaned against the wall, his disheveled black hair flat against the surface. He groaned, Light was taking way too long and standing was making him dizzy.

Usually, he would bear with it and wait but he was moody.

"Light, I can't begin to understand why you care so much about your appearance. We sit in a room all day and work." L's words were low and breathy from being so worn out. He really did need to start taking small naps throughout the day when they weren't doing any work.

Light picked out a salmon colored button up shirt and decided that it would be fine for the day.

"Wow Ryuzaki, I can't believe you're lecturing _me _about caring about my appearance. You're the one starving youself." Light smirked to himself as he closed the closet door, obviously pleased with his choice of retort.

Before Light could turn to the other man, he felt a harsh bash of bony knuckles graze his face. _Okay_, that actually kind of hurt.

Light brought his hand up to touch his jaw where L had punched him. The initial throb was still there, hopefully it wouldn't bruise.

"Alright, I'm not going to even question where you got the energy to do that. But if you know what's good for you Ryuzaki, I wouldn't try that again." Light tried to act like it didn't bother him, but it did. _Slightly_. If this were any other time, Light would have pummeled him right back. But now was not the time. He had a _plan_ to act out.

L looked a little upset when he noticed that Light was just going to ignore his attempt to start a fight. There weren't any cameras in the room, there would be no one to stop them this time. Isn't that Light would want? To be able to beat the shit out of L without any consequences? The detective was confused.

"If I know what's good for me? What are you planning to do, kill me, _Kira_?" L had hissed the name of the man that he was so desperate to catch.

Light stopped walking. Hearing that name was common by now. People, mostly his worshipers, called him that. Hell, L probably even called him that in _his head_. But never has someone actually addressed to Light as _'Kira' _mid-conversation as if it were his given name. It was shocking but he had to admit, _Light enjoyed it_.

The younger man balled up his fists, ready to put on the usual facade. "Ryuzaki, for the hundredth time, I am not Kira. Now can you stop with your fantasies about me being Kira for one second so I can go get dressed?"

L looked at him with the usual suspicion as his eyes narrowed. He nodded in temporary defeat. Light sighed, relieved. L went ahead and unlocked Light's end of the cuffs to let him slip on a shirt, immediately putting them back around his wrist. He made the metal clasp together a little tighter this time, letting his anger be known.

"I'll make you confess one day, you have my word..." L mumbled mostly to himself, but still loud enough so that Light could hear him clearly.

Light simply shook his head and slipped on his shoes. Was this game ever going to end?

And just as if L could read his mind, he looked to Light with serious eyes. "No."

Light was a little shaken for a moment, but came to the conclusion that no, L could not read his mind. If the detective _could _read his mind, he's be absolutely _terrified_ of Light.

* * *

><p>After about an hour of arriving to the room they worked in, all of the task force was accounted for (excluding Mogi, where the hell was he all time anyway?).<p>

L sat in his usual spot drinking what Light believed to be coffee since the color was darker than tea. Again, the dark haired man had trouble drinking the bitter liquid.

Everyone in the room seemed to groan in annoyance.

"Hey uh, Ryuzaki. I'm sure I saw some artificial sweetener in the other room next to the coffee maker, do you want me to get you some?" Matsuda chimed in nervously, trying to help as much as possible.

L twisted his chair around just enough so that he could see the man speaking to him. "Aspartame is bad for your body, Matsuda. If I consumed that every day I'm sure it would have some negative effect on my thinking ability."

Matsuda immediately sat down, laughing wearily. "Haaa yeah, sorry about that."

Aizawa put a hand on his friend and co-worker's shoulder, shaking his head as to say 'don't bother'.

Soichiro leaned his head back on the couch that the three of them were accustomed to sitting on.

"Ryuzaki, may I talk to my son in private?" The older man tried, he could feel a headache coming on.

L looked over to Light, as if maybe he had planned for his father to say that. Light shrugged, honestly not knowing what it was about.

"Hmmm...I suppose, but only if Watari can listen in. I know you're an honest man, Mr. Yagami, but I can't say I trust Light to not say anything manipulating." L went ahead and uncuffed Light.

Soichiro opened his eyes, surprised that L had even considered it. "Yes, I don't have a problem with that."

L nodded and pressed 2 keys on the keyboard in front of him. "Watari, can you please come down here. I need you to chaperon Light while he talks to his father."

Not even 3 minutes later, Watari was in the room waiting for further instructions.

"Watari, go into the other room with them while they talk. They have five minutes. Do not let Light reach into his pockets, and do not let them whisper to where you cannot hear them."

Watari nodded and looked over to Light's father. Soichiro got up and walked over to his son and they began to walk into the room off to the side.

"Dad, what's this about?" Light crossed his arms, glad that his wrist wasn't confined for once. The cuffs were beginning to leave a chafing mark from how tight L had made them this morning.

"Light, I know that Ryuzaki suspects you, but we all know that you're closer to him than we are." Soichiro tried to keep this short due to the time limit.

Watari didn't budge, he kept his eyes on his watch. As long as nothing said threatened L's life, it was not his place to intervene.

"Yeah, I have to sleep with him and put up with all of this. What about it?" Light was about to put his hand in his pocket out of habit-ed posture, but Watari gave him a warning look. Light's hand retreated and lay to rest at his side.

Soichiro shook his head. How did they get here? Not too long ago he was just a working husband with a wife, a daughter, and a brilliant son. Now here they were, being watched just because they wanted to talk without making a scene.

"Light, you have to do something. Don't you want to catch Kira?" He was practically pleading to his son now. "This investigation will never end if Ryuzaki keeps acting like this. That means..."

Light closed his eyes a sighed. "That I'll never clear my name." He hated lying to his father, he really did, but by now it was routine.

Soichiro mimicked Light, sighing. "I just hope that you can find a way to help him. This whole thing is a mess..."

Everyone was quiet now, mostly in thought. Watari interrupted the silence with a small clearing of his throat.

"I believe that it has been five minutes." The older man smiled warmly, opening the door so the other two in the room could exit.

"Light?" L called like clockwork.

"Yeah, yeah, I know." Light walked over to L and gave him his hand, waiting for the handcuff to be put back on his wrist. The sound of metal sliding into more metal echoed through the large room.

Resting his hand against his head, Light felt like everyone was relying on _him_. What could _he_ do? L may be close to him, but he certainly wasn't _emotionally _close to him. The only thing they really had in common was their intelligence. But even that got clouded since Light was L's suspect. The two men would never be able to have a pleasant conversation. Even if Light tried to be nice to him, L would only be suspicious. Why couldn't everyone understand that?!

A pale hand clasped Light's shoulder, shattering his thoughts.

"Light, are you alright?" L asked dimly, not really thinking there was something wrong. He figured that Light was plotting something.

"Oh, uh yeah, I'm fine Ryuzaki. Sorry about that." Light halfheartedly laughed.

He looked to his shoulder where L's hand was still grasping. "But are _you_ okay? You're shaking pretty badly..."

L looked at his own arm, noticing how it was trembling. He immediately withdrew it, trying to keep it still with his other hand.

He narrowed his eyes. "Don't even pretend that you're worried about me, Light. We all know that anything you say to me regarding my health would just be some kind of farce to keep up the act you have going on. I _will not _take empathy from _Kira_."

Everyone in the room kept quiet and pretended not to listen in. But honestly they were all waiting to see what would happen next. This was the most exciting thing to happen in weeks.

Light was angry, he knew that L could see through his act, but the others weren't too aware.

Regaining his composure, Light was able to speak. "You don't know me very well at all, do you Ryuzaki?"

"I know you well enough." L was back to looking at his computer screen. He didn't feel like doing this right now. He didn't want to do _anything_ right now.

Light felt like doing something drastic at that moment, something to show L that he was wrong. But he blanked, deciding to sit back down instead.

"Well I don't think that's very fair at all."

This captured L's attention, willing him to finally look away from the computer. "What do you mean?"

Light smiled to himself, he had him now. "You have me all figured out. I hardly know anything about _you_. If you ask someone for information, they give it to you, no questions asked. _But_ let's say I ask _you_ about something personal, what do I get? _Nothing_."

"What are you getting at, Light Yagami...?" Despite being intrigued, L knew that Light had to of had some type of scheme to be getting so emotionally invested all of a sudden.

Light stood up, actually feeling a little enraged at this point. "Instead of sitting on your ass and haulting the investigation, why don't you at least tell me what's going on in your head so we can get things over with!?"

Once again, everyone was quiet. L smiled, for real this time. He reached for his coffee cup, deciding not to pick it up because he might spill it. He needed to rest for a moment, his hand was trembling even worse now.

"I am not Misa, you cannot play head games with me." L got up from his chair to stand in front of Light.

Light took a small step back, expecting another punch to the face like earlier. Instead, L just stared at him as if it would finally make Light crack.

"What makes you think that I would let someone like you, my prime suspect for being Kira, know what's going on inside of my head?"

"Because I'm the only one intelligent enough to understand it."

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><p><strong>Yooo thank you all for the reviews, they really encourage me to write more. I'm working on the next chapter now so expect it soon. <strong>


	4. Strange Behavior

L had sent everyone home later than usual today. He was trying to prove to Light that this whole thing going on was not in any way halting the investigation. But even L himself knew that that was a _lie_.

Every morning he woke up, his bones ached and his head swam. Waking up was becoming a chore for the detective which was rather alarming. Any other time L would have no problem staying up for an entire week, provided that he have something to work on of course.

Sometimes he thought about dropping the case, feeling that he would never be able to prove that Light was _in fact _Kira. But the thing that kept L going was the suspect himself. Every time he woke up he would see Light next to him. There was something in L that knew as long as Light was 'innocent', he would have a _meaning _in this world. He would still have the satisfaction of seeing Light confess to being Kira.

L woke up before Light for once in a long while. It was still dark outside, no doubt just a few hours shy of sunrise. He shifted his aching body to face the man he loathed most. _The man who understood him the best_. L smiled to himself, _what a sick turn of events_.

He was taking 'sleeping with the enemy' to a different level. L wouldn't take the handcuffs off until Light finally lost it and just confessed everything. But would that work? Was Light's psyche beyond that?

L breathed out heavily as he glared at the other sleeping man.

"I just wish you would die in your sleep..." L mumbled through the large blanket he had covered up to his face.

Light seemed to have already been awake, _waiting_. There was an amused smirk on his face. He sat up, looking down to L who was just angry that Light was pretending to sleep.

"Why don't you just kill me then? It would save you a lot of trouble." The younger man inched his face intimidatingly close to L's, that sick smirk still in its perfect place.

L didn't back away, Light didn't scare him. As long as they were handcuffed and Light was still trying to make himself scarce, there was nothing the murderer could do to him.

"That wouldn't be very fun. I want to see you behind bars when this is all over." L broke his monotone voice at the end just enough to show that he was amused_. He was having fun_.

The staring contest seemed to go on for hours until Watari came in the room just like any other day, providing the morning meal.

To anyone else, their faces being so close together while in bed would have looked sexually suggestive, but Watari knew better.

"I apologize for interrupting your quarrel, but I have your breakfast." He repeated yesterday's actions, leaving the food and then exiting.

Light moved away from L, realizing that he had basically cornered him into the bed. L didn't even bother opening the tray this time.

Light's expression softened. "Seriously Ryuzaki, what do I have to do to make you eat?"

L nibbled on the tip of his thumb. "Hmmmm...admit that you're Kira."

"That's not funny." Light grumbled, feeling hungry himself and fetching a piece of toast from the tray for himself.

"It wasn't meant to be a joke. Tell me that you're Kira and I will eat again." L was watching Light eat with intrigue. He had forgotten how _easy _it was_. Bite, chew, swallow, and repeat._

Light smiled absent-mindedly. He wiped his hands off on a napkin that Watari had provided. "Over my dead body."

It was meant to be a joke, honestly. People say that all the time. But for some reason, something inside of L told him that it was _serious_. He threw himself on top of Light, reaching both hands to his throat.

Light wasn't sure what was going on until he noticed that his air supply was being cut off. The fucker was choking him!

L was holding him down by the throat, trying to use all the strength that he had left to keep going. He didn't want to stop until there was no sign of life left in Light's eyes. He wanted him _dead_.

Light was freaking out, there were no cameras in their room. There was no way he could get to the phone and call someone. He would have to hurt L in order to get him to stop. Light could feel his neck start to go numb but he wasn't going to go down that easily.

He managed to knee L in the stomach, forcing him to back off. Light sat up as soon as the other man had lost his grip. He rubbed his throat, feeling the indents that would soon fade.

Light breathed erratically as he watch L clutch his stomach in pain. Light smiled, it probably hurt more because he hadn't been eating.

"What...the hell is wrong with you?!" Light managed to find his voice after the crushing grip seemed to have damaged his voice box momentarily.

L looked up, trying to pretend he didn't feel like his stomach was about to rip in half. "I was trying to _kill _you."

Light laughed, but he wasn't happy. He was fucking dumbfounded. "Yeah, _no shit_. What would you have done if you _had_ killed me and someone found my body up here?"

L seemed to have calmed down a bit, the pain in his stomach subsiding. "Unlike you, I would have told the truth and faced the consequences of my actions."

Light shook his head. "You better be glad that I'm _not _Kira, or you would be dead after pulling something like that on me."

L was amused now. He loved hearing Light lie, especially to him. They both knew that L was right in suspecting Light. He just wished that when they were alone that they didn't have to pretend.

"You _are_ Kira, though. Your only problem is that you do not have my name. If you had it, I'd be as good as gone, correct?" L was smiling now, inching closer to the man he had almost just strangled to death. "But you're not ever going to know my name, Light Yagami. And that makes you so incredibly angry. You feel that you're so powerful, invincible even. But you're not. All because you don't have _**my **_name."

Light couldn't believe it, he was just as nervous as he was when L had first identified himself at the entrance ceremony. This was bad, he had to keep it together or he could let something slip...

The youngest man let out a shaky breath, mentally cursing himself for it. "Y-you need to calm down Ryuzaki. We don't have anything to fight about, and besides w-"

Hovering over Light just like when he was choking him, L shut him up. He glared at him with blank eyes, letting Light know that this was _not _a game.

"Right now, we are not Light and Ryuzaki. When we are alone, we become _Kira and L_. You can play all the games you want when we're around others, but here, in this room, _there will be no acting_." L had him by the shoulders now, fighting the urge to shake Light repeatedly until he finally understood.

Light let L finish, and decided that there was no way out of this. He let his eyes narrow, forfeiting their 'wide-eyed puppy dog' look that he gave when trying to play innocent.

"There are no cameras in this room? Wire taps?" Light's voice was now stoic as it would be whenever he was alone.

L nodded, his grip on the other man's shoulders getting tighter with anger and other feelings he was afraid of. "You know that by now."

Light didn't flinch as he felt L's unkempt nails digging into the flesh of his shoulder. L hadn't put a shirt on yet this morning and his hip bones were pressing uncomfortably harsh into Light's abdomen.

"Alright..." Light smirked, ready to deal with the last person imaginable. "I want you to start eating again so the others will get off of my back and things can get back to being interesting. What do you want in exchange?"

L didn't even waver, _he knew _what he wanted. He wanted it the very moment he had suspected Light. He leaned down on his weak elbows in order to get his face closer to Light's.

Light's stomach turned when he felt L's lips graze across his cheek and over to his ear. The detective leaned in as if there _were _indeed wire taps that could pick up on the conversation.

"I want Kira to come out and play..."

Light felt sick, he really did. But the queasy feeling in his stomach was over-ruled by the excitement of the situation. He could be Kira, no, _he could be himself _in front of the man chasing him and not have any consequences due to lack of evidence and most importantly: L wouldn't give up such a fun ultimatum. He would finally get what he wanted, to get inside of Kira's head, to see how the murderer worked.

A silent decision was made in Light's head. He grabbed L by the hair and dragged him off top of him, letting him harshly fall back onto the bed.

L grinned stupidly as he sat up. He was finally seeing the true colors of Light Yagami. It didn't matter to him that those colors all happened to be variations of red, it still intrigued him all the more. Yes, L had made a deal with Light, but that didn't mean he would hold his end up just because Light knew how to say 'I am Kira'. No, L would require much more than something that simple.

"I don't think you would like Kira very much."

L shivered, he didn't know if this was going in a direction that he liked or not. _Although_, he was intimidated which was a rare feeling for the detective. He was about to do something, he wasn't sure what, but it didn't matter.

Because the phone rang. The loud noise seemed to jerk the two men out of their little 'fantasy' long enough for L to reach for the receiver.

Light stared in disbelief. Did that just happen? The conversation was muffled compared to his raging thoughts. Maybe this wasn't a good idea.

"Light, everyone is here. We should get going." L was seemingly back to normal now as if that hadn't just happened.

Light nodded, still unsure. He got up and went about his morning routine. All the while questioning everything that was about to happen.


	5. Ill Explanations

Aizawa was on the brink of insanity. Light had been tapping his pen against the desk he and L sat at for the past hour or so, and the noise wasn't getting any more pleasant.

Whether the man decided to yell at him or not, Light wouldn't have heard it anyway. He was lost in thought, playing this morning's scenario in his head over and over again until something didn't make sense and he had to start all over.

'_I didn't confess to being Kira, right? I never said that I __**was**__ Kira, I just said that Ryuzaki wouldn't __**like **__Kira. That doesn't count as a confession...does it? Knowing him though, that bastard will try and find a way to make it look like one_.'

L didn't bother with Light, he was aware that he had a lot of thinking to do. But he also knew that Light would be quick to back out of their little deal due to the risks being greater than the reward. He'd have to show the other man that he was safe as long as no one was killed in front of the detective's eyes.

It was a little after noon when Watari came into the room with lunch for everyone in the task force. Usually he would arrive exactly at noon, but lately before bringing any food the older man would try and choose things that L might possibly eat.

Grabbing their own lunch, Soichiro, Matsuda, and Aizawa thanked Watari. They hadn't started eating yet because all eyes were on L. They wanted to see what today's reaction would be. Maybe it was a game of chance to them, after so many days the probability of L finally eating had to be getting greater.

Light didn't even watch L today, he expected the food offered by his father figure to be pushed away as usual. But hearing an overly-kind _'Thank you, Watari" _had willed Light to pay attention.

It wasn't a lot, but it was more way more than _absolutely _nothing. L was eating a small plate of strawberries, nothing else, but no one was complaining. Watari smiled warmly before handing Light his usual lunch.

The elderly man leaned down a bit. "I don't know what you did, but I thank you kindly." and with that, Watari was on his way back to his computer infested room.

Light didn't know why, but he felt _offended_. Had L just put on that whole facade this morning just to try and get Light to confess and when it didn't work he went back to eating? He wouldn't put it past the detective to stop eating for a long amount of time as long as it benefited in his desire to prove Light guilty.

"What are you doing?" Light whispered in L's direction.

L put the small fork down to lie on the plate before replying. "Eating, what are _you _doing?"

Light sighed and rested his head in one hand to cover one eye. "Smartass, I know that. _Why_ are you eating?"

L smiled briefly. "In return for this morning..." he paused to eat another strawberry, of course still talking with his mouth full. "That was quite a performance, I can't remember a more interesting morning than that. But of course, it was not exactly what I wanted. So therefore," He had the fork in his hand now, examining it. "This will be my only meal for the day. If you want me to eat at least three times a day, _Kira _had better get more creative."

Light sat back in his chair, his arms hanging at the sides. What the fuck was going on? And what did L mean by '_more creative_' ? Did he want him to kill someone? No, that wasn't it. Was L going to leave Light to figure it out for himself? That would be a dick move.

Light groaned, he'd have to ask, wouldn't he?

He brought his chair closer to L's, trying to be as discreet as possible. Light didn't really have a reason to be so covert but it was out of habit he supposed.

"Want do you want 'Kira' to do anyway? I may be smart, but I can't read your damn mind Ryuzaki." Light whispered closely to L's face.

The detective finished off his small meal and sat the plate aside. "Why are we whispering?"

Light clenched his teeth. This wasn't a fucking game, they couldn't just talk about it out in the open.

"I'm kidding, don't look so angry at me." L smiled gently and looked back to make sure no one was listening in. "Light, you do remember what happened this morning, don't you?"

The younger man crossed his arms. How could he _forget_? "Yeah, of course. You almost choked me to death and then you practically licked my face after telling me you want to play '_Kira and L'_"

L nodded as if that should be enough information for the other man. But seeing that Light still looked confused, he'd have to spell it out. Once again, he looked behind him to make sure the others were preoccupied.

He leaned in closer to Light as if he were about to tell him the biggest secret in the world. L cupped the side of his mouth with his hand to shield his lips from being read.

"I want Kira to have his _way _with L." He spoke lowly but softly enough for the words to sound like they were something a little less odd.

Light jolted back into his seat, almost causing it to fall over. He caught the back of it before it could tip over all the way, causing a slight screeching sound to occur on the floor.

The three men looked over to them. "Are you okay?" Soichiro asked, more confused than concerned.

Light stood and froze after situating the chair up-right. "Uh...yeah. Everything's fine dad."

His father nodded and went back to going over files with Matsuda and Aizawa. They weren't getting anywhere but at least it kept them busy.

L frowned quite noticeably. "_Well_ that wasn't a very nice reaction..."

Light dragged his fingers through his hair as he tried to regain at least a little composure. "What in the hell is wrong with you!?" He put as much anger into the hushed sentence as could.

The frown had turned into a glare. "Nothing is wrong with me. Are you perhaps homophobic, Light?"

Light averted his eyes to the floor. "No, I'm not homophobic. I just don't see why you would want to have a sexual relationship with me. It just doesn't make any sense."

If L had any eyebrows, he would have lifted one in curiosity. "What do you mean? Of course it makes sense. Honestly I'm surprised that it hasn't happened already on its own."

Light couldn't tell if he was embarrassed or pissed off. Either way, his fists were trembling from one of those emotions. "For once, I don't understand you Ryuzaki."

"Allow me to explain then. We are two intelligent men close in age. We have been spending most of our time together, more than two people in a relationship even. When we are together, we are constantly analyzing each other. Trying to get in the other's head and understand what's going on. Our relationship started out as some _morbid _form of friendship. But you and I both know that we were _never _really friends, never true to the word. It doesn't matter that we're enemies, we're still truly _infatuated _with each other."

Light swallowed, and then wished that he hadn't. He felt like he was going to vomit right there on the spot. Not even acknowledging if what L had said was true or not, he ran to the bathroom to spill the contents of his stomach. He was glad that it was in handcuff's reach.

L couldn't help but smirk at the act. He had a sick sense of pride in the fact that he had just made Kira physically ill just by stating the obvious.

Everyone had noticed that Light had gone to throw up, especially upon hearing the sound coming from the bathroom.

"Oooh man, not Light too!" Matsuda groaned, thinking that maybe Light was following L's example.

L just kept smiling to himself, picking up the fork from earlier and chewed on the prongs.

"Tonight should be..._interesting_."

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><p><strong>*cough* Reviews are GR8 *cough*<strong>


	6. Down

**Update: Sorry if there are any typos in this, I doubt there are many but I wrote the first half of this tipsy and the rest while drunk. **

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><p>Tonight was not interesting.<p>

L was sitting opposite to Light, the detective sitting on the bed and the criminal in a chair next to the large window. They hadn't spoken a single word to each other the whole time they were in their room together which had added up to about two hours now.

Light had refused to even be in the bed with the other man right now due to the 'creep factor' going on. You can't expect a man to be comfortable sharing a bed with the _same _man that had confessed to wanting to jump your bones.

"You can't sit in that chair all night, you'll eventually get tired." L, being the more mature one (which didn't say much due to their immaturity) was the first to speak into the silence.

Light's eyes didn't budge away from gazing out of the window. They hardly ever drew the curtains, but right now he needed something to look at. Anything but L.

"I'll sleep here if I have to."

L's back was starting to hurt just from sitting up, adding to his irritability. "Light, you're acting like an idiot. I'm not going to make you do anything that you don't feel comfortable with."

The younger man clenched the arm of the chair with his left hand. "That's not the point, Ryuzaki."

L stared at the carpeted floor. "Then tell me, what is your point? If you have one, that is."

Light clenched his teeth. Even _he _wasn't too sure why he denied L's attempt at getting him in bed; in a different way than usual of course. But he wouldn't falter in front of L, he'd have to come up with something quickly.

"It's weird." Light mentally cursed himself. That's the best that he could come up with? He's come up with more convincing lies than that. "I mean, let's say that I do sleep with you. And on top of that I act like I'm Kira while we do it. Wouldn't that make things pretty damn awkward the next day?"

Light finally looked to L, a look of hope on his face that pleaded for the other man to just drop the whole thing.

L laughed under his breath. "We're so alike. That was my first thought as well when I realized that I wanted other things from you. But Light, I already analyzed every outcome in different scenarios in my head. As long as we both enjoy ourselves the outcome could only be a good one. It's only awkward if you will it to be."

And back to the window Light's eyes went. "You're stubborn."

L laughed louder this time. It was bittersweet, but still. "So are you. It's rare that we have different ideals for the same situation. That means..." He began fiddling with the bed sheet, tugging at the material absentmindedly. "That you're either lying to yourself or that one of us has become delusional." The last part was supposed to be a joke, but of course L's monotone voice didn't convey that very well.

It got quiet again. Just like many other times, L had caught Light in a lie. If it were anyone other than L, Light would have time to talk his way out of it. But sadly for him, this was not the case.

"Tell me, Ryuzaki..." Light swallowed the imaginary lump in his throat that had been building up all day. "If it were anyone _other _than me, would you be sitting here having this same conversation with them?"

L began to bring his thumb up to his mouth, but stopped mid-way. "...no."

The lump was back. "Then it's not just Kira, is it? It's _me _too."

L understood the inquiry even though it lacked details. "I am under no obligation to answer that."

"Coming from you, I'll take that as a yes." Light finally had it in him to look at the other man.

"Take it how you will, but I think you're stalling. You think that I will eventually get tired because my body is lacking sustenance and that I'll fall asleep before we can resolve this." L would admit that he was tired, but his mind was wide awake. His mind always took priority over sleep.

Light slumped down into the chair, he was getting irritated for many reasons. "Why do expect me to be able to just jump into bed with you without any second guesses?"

It wasn't apparent on the surface, but L was getting impatient. "Because it would be fun. With you being Kira-" L held his hand up to halt Light when he opened his mouth to protest the statement. "_With you being Kira_, and covering your tracks so well that I can't prove you to be guilty, it's become dull here. And I imagine that you're rather bored too. Yes you get to laugh at as in the shadows since we can't do a thing to you, but you still have sit around with us all day pretending to help us when really you're chasing your own tail. With minds like ours, we need entertainment. Think about it Light, we're two very powerful men but on opposite sides of the justice system. I don't know how yet, but you can kill whoever you want with something as _simple _as a name and face. I can catch _any _criminal I see fit. Except for you that is. But that's beside the point right now."

"I'm not acknowledging that any of that is true about me. But since you think I'm Kira, I guess to _you _those _are _facts about me." Light was running his fingers through his hair, resisting the urge to pull lightly in frustration.

L shook his head like he was disappointing. "Always quick to say you're not Kira. I told you already, you don't have to pretend in this room. There is no surveillance whatsoever. As long as you don't do anything that could serve as material proof to me that you are Kira, then you are safe. Tell me, if someone had come up to you and told you that they were Charles Manson, would you arrest them based just on that statement alone?"

Well, he had him there. "Of course not..."

"You can trust me, Light. But I can't say that I trust you." L was becoming bitter now.

"Doesn't sex require trust?" Light was on the edge of his seat now, thinking that he had found a loop-hole.

But L had already come up with an answer to this. The detective expected this question to occur. "Normally, yes. When two people are in a romantic relationship sex occurs when trust is gained. But you and I are not romantically involved. With the type of sex we would be having, trust is not required."

Light cringed. How could he just say things like that so naturally? If that's what intelligence did to you, Light wasn't interested in getting on that level. "Okay then...what type of sex _would _we be having." He tugged at his hair this time, it felt abnormal just _asking _that.

L smirked this time, pushing at the corner of his mouth with his thumb. "That is up to Kira."

Being a control freak, that interested Light, it really did. But he still couldn't get past the fact that it was _L_. If he didn't have such a big ego then he would have already been smoking his hypothetical _afterwards _cigarette by now.

"So what will it be?" L interjected Light's inner monologue. "We've already established reasoning, you're not one hundred percent heterosexual because if you _were _then your _first _objection would have been that you _were_, and you have nothing to lose. Except your virginity, of course." He couldn't stop himself from laughing at his own joke.

Light leaned forward, he was starting to sweat. "I _really _want to hit you right now." His voice was rough now, anger apparent.

L shrugged. "As long as you have sex with me after, I honestly don't mind."

Light's expression softened. Huh? "What...?"

The detective was becoming annoyed, showing it in his stern eyes. "I already told you, Kira decides on what we do. As long as I don't die in the process, I really don't care what you do to me."

Light looked down at his own hands, then back to the man on the bed. "So I can hit you _right now_?"

L nodded. He was getting tired of his own voice. He didn't understand how Light usually talked so much, it was tiresome.

Not having anything to say, Light stood up and walked closer to L. He raised the hand that didn't have the cuff attached to his wrist, imagining that the chain would get in the way like their previous fight. L got the message in Light's actions and closed his eyes, mentally preparing himself.

Despite the faux hesitation, Light didn't hold back. He balled up his fist and swung without any concern for L's face. There was a loud smacking noise with a slight hint of bone colliding from his knuckles and L's cheek bone meeting harshly. There was a lot of pent up anger towards L inside of him. He wasn't able to get it all out when they had fought before since others were watching. Light made sure to make this one count.

L let himself fall back after the initial blow to his face. His back landed softly against the bed without a sound.

Light had to catch his breath, punching L had caused a lot of adrenaline to rise. He stared down at the man as he stood in front of the bed, expecting him to say something. But nothing came.

"How was that?"

L leaned up on his elbows, his face was aching. "Not bad."

Light frowned. "_Not bad_? Didn't it hurt?"

The detective smirked, touching his face. He poked at it, testing just how badly marred his skin was. It would definitely bruise. "Immensely. But I can tell you enjoyed it, and I'd be lying if I said that I didn't as well."

The frown turned into a sneer. "Don't tell me you're into that kind of thing."

L shook his head briefly. "Don't get me wrong, I'm not into sadomasochistic subculture. There's just something..." He rubbed the now sensitive skin on his face, staring into Light's eyes. "I suppose you could call the feeling intoxicating. Even _I _don't understand it, but for some reason I am not completely opposed to the idea of letting you use me as your personal punching bag as long you incorporate intimacy into it."

Light remained standing while he rested his face in his palm. He peaked between his fingers before speaking, making sure that this version of L wasn't just a figment of his imagination that he could will away. "You're something else." It was all he could say.

Oddly enough, L took that as a compliment. "I know. Now I remember telling you that I would get something in return after you hit me."

_Well shit_, Light hadn't thought about that. He was quick to act upon knowing that he was _allowed _to punch the other man.

Luckily, he was always quick to think. "Ryuzaki, do you even know what you want us to do? I mean yeah, I get it, you want _Kira _to be in control. But I've never done this sort of thing before, and I'm pretty sure that you haven't either." He stopped for conformation, getting a slight nod from L. "I mean, I wouldn't even know what to do even if you were somehow able to get my clothes off."

L waited patiently through Light's little speech. He already knew how to answer this. "Light, sex does not require too much thought. It _is _a natural act after all. It's animalistic, you can turn off your brain during it."

Light crossed his arms, he was slowly being defeated. "And you know this how?"

"Research, and a lot of it. But we'll never know for ourselves if we don't experience it. But I guess you're just too full of yourself to even consider sleeping with me, am I correct? It's that god complex you have." A faint look of realization crept its way onto L's face. "Don't tell me you want me to call you _god_..."

Light scowled. "That would be too bizarre."

The smile was back. "But being called Kira isn't?"

That made him nervous. "Don't go there right now."

_Fair enough. _

L allowed himself to break eye contact long enough to glace at the digital clock on the dresser. He sighed heavily, feeling like this conversation had been going on forever.

"Can we just do it already? It's almost one in the morning. We both know I'm right and that you'll eventually give in and have sex with me. Let's save some time."

Light's defensive posture softened. He didn't want to admit it, but L was right. He was _always _right.

Actions contradicting thoughts, Light un-eagerly willed himself onto the bed and hovered over the other man. L watched with curious eyes, longing to know what would happen next.

L leaned up a bit, inching his face closer to Light's but not so much that it would scare him away. "That's not a very inviting face." He was taking note of the scowl on Light's face.

Light was unsettled. He wasn't sure of his actions. "Well this isn't a very _inviting _situation."

"Touché." Unlike Light, L was enjoying himself. He knew that tonight wouldn't be all that great, but once Light tested the waters things would heat up eventually.

Swallowing disgust, Light brought up a timid hand to, well I guess you say, _caress_ L's face. Why he was feeling disgusted was lost. It wasn't because L was another man. Was it because this man would possibly be the one to execute him?

Light daringly leaned his face closer to L's. He had to remind himself that this wasn't going to be anything like the time he had kissed Misa out of pity and to get her to go away. This was out of curiosity, and if he stopped lying to himself, out of simply _wanting _to. And when Light was curious he didn't stop until he was satisfied with what he discovered.

About to take the plunge, Light stopped. "Wait, before I do this, promise me something."

L was curious about the sentimental tone. This wasn't Kira, this was Light.

"Afterwards, you have to tell me what's been going on with you. In full detail. I want all of your thoughts."

The words almost sounded kind, but L knew better. "We have a deal. Now please be quiet."

Light rolled his eyes. Even in this situation L somehow found a way to be annoying. He tried not think, because if he did then he would have stopped. Light didn't close his eyes out of fear that he would get lost in thought.

L didn't seem to care about whether he thought about the act too much or not. The moment he felt Light's mouth cover his own he let his eyes close and his body relax. It was seemingly mundane to him.

There were no sparks, there were no immediate feelings of needing to start ripping off clothing. There _was _a shudder from Light though, but not necessarily a good one. It was the type of shudder one would get from hearing that their puppy got ran over.

It was brief, but long enough to satisfy L's expectations of their first kiss. L opened his eyes, frowning upon seeing that Light's were already alert.

"Well you could at least _look _like you're enjoying yourself. You're a good liar, use that skill for good for once."

Hearing his bad qualities voiced to his face like that peaked a little anger inside of Light. He slammed L's neck into the bed with a sharp grip, holding it there tightly.

Of course L didn't mind, this the direction he had expected things to go. All he had to do was keep degrading Light and things would move much faster.

"That wasn't very nice, _Kira_." He was mocking Light, his voice straining from his throat being confined.

Light's eyes widened and he quickly let go of L's throat. That had provoked him, sexually, and that scared him. He didn't want to get into this, he wanted this to be one sided sex. Just enough to get L off, in both senses of the word.

Being as observant as he was, L noticed that the action had excited Light to an extent. "You know that there's no need to be ashamed of arousal. No one is here to judge you."

It was a poor choice of words considering how L was _always _there to judge Light.

"I can't do this tonight. I don't think that I can go all the way." Light was grasping for his composure but was left empty handed.

L sat up again, recovering from the pain in his neck. "I figured this would happen. I honestly didn't expect you to have intercourse with me on the first night. So that's perfectly fine."

A look of relieve overcame Light's face. Finally some room to breathe.

"But I'm not going to bed empty handed."

The relief didn't last long. "What the hell do you want from me now?"

L scooted out from under Light, sitting with his knees bent. "You're young, and smarter than that. You know that there are other things we can do than intercourse."

Light looked disappointing and a little afraid. "I am _not _doing that to you."

"Who said you had to be the one to give? Funny you would think that way since your god complex should make you automatically assume that you would be the one getting serviced." If Light didn't stop him now, L would ramble forever.

"Fine. But I don't know what you're going to do with me since I'm not the least bit _ready _for that right now."

L glanced down at Light's pants. He wasn't showing any signs of being hard. "That is a problem..."

"See? Now can we please go to sleep or just...I don't know, anything but this." For Light, the atmosphere was so awkward he could hardly bear it.

A small tilt of the head. "Light, it's not permanently like that. And like I said," L made his way to Light, situating himself on top of him much to the other man's detesting emotions "I'm not going to bed empty handed. Just let me do this."

It felt so damn strange to have L on top of him, it was surreal. L already knew that Light liked being in control. But he also knew that he liked being worshiped. This worked in his favor.

L wasted no time in placing inexperienced kisses on Light's jaw bone. He made sure not to make any movements that would feel as if he were holding Light down to the bed. You can't take control away from a man that thought he was god, things wouldn't go very well.

He attempted to coax Light into arousal. L's lips made there way to Light's neck, attempting to make hickeys whether they would be visible to the public tomorrow or not. His hand was feeling up Light's thigh but he made sure not to be too forward and touch his groin too much.

Light kept his gaze towards the ceiling. He was afraid that looking would make him too excited. The amount of denial he was in should be criminal.

L wasn't good with buttons, he always wore a shirt that he could just pull over his head. He got up and straddled Light's hips as he fumbled with the buttons on the shirt.

The stimulation brought both sexual arousal and anxiety. Light kept his body stiff while trying to ignore L's rapid breathing and the opening of his own shirt.

Smiling as he finally got the shirt open, L went ahead and smoothed his hands into the collar. He ghosted his hands over Light's shoulders, dragging them down to stop at his navel. He looked rather amused.

"I suggest you sit up for this." L spoke with provocative intentions seeing that Light was finally rising to the occasion.

Light was so lost in turmoil that he didn't even notice himself getting hard. He wanted to kick himself in the face.

Despite being slow with his previous actions, L was all too eager to getting Light's pants unbuttoned. He was glad that it was only _one _button this time.

L attempted to slide down the denim along with the boxers, but he would need Light to lift his hips up a bit for that to happen. Oddly enough, Light assisted him.

Light didn't dare look down. He was fully exposed, save his shirt hanging off of his shoulders. L was perplexed at having Light's erection in front of his face. He was so sure of himself just a moment ago but now...he wasn't sure what to do with it.

With uncertainty, L reached out to touch. Noticing the slight jerk that occurred in Light's otherwise still posture, he felt confident once more. The detective wasn't very good with his hands, deciding to just go for it.

It was like dunking your head in water and holding your breath, except you kept your mouth open. L was able to get the tip and small fraction of the shaft into his mouth before looking up to see how Light was doing.

Light looked like he was in anguish, but in a good way. It was apparent that it felt good, but he was just fighting the expression of ecstasy. Deciding this was good, L kept going. He tried just licking the tip, still trying to get used to the action. He hadn't imagined that it would be this odd to suck Light off. It was a foreign feeling to have flesh in his mouth, and even more foreign to have pre-cum seeping onto his tongue.

Deciding that paying attention to just the tip was a bit too stimulating from the look on Light's face, L tried getting as much in his mouth as he could. He'd never tested his gag reflex before, and he was wishing that he had.

Gagging, the detective removed his mouth completely and coughed for a moment. Light looked down at him for the first time since L had started giving him head. Seeing L holding his erection while gagging off to the side had peaked a lot of arousal in him for some unknown reason. Light grabbed L by the hair, it being the first time he'd ever touched the mess of black strands.

Light pushed L's face back into his erection, demanding that the man continue. "Keep going." His words were hushed but still had demanding intentions.

A smirk appeared on L's face, glad that Light was finally participating. "Sorry, it was a bit much." He'd have to stroke Light's ego too.

L went back to work, making sure to keep the tip away from his uvula. Now that Light was into it he could be more confident with his actions. Despite enjoying the thought that he was pleasuring Light, the act of giving head did not taste all too well. He was glad that Light was a virgin, so this would not last _too _long.

With the pace picking up, Light was able to enjoy the feeling of L's throat swallowing around his dick. Every argument he made against this happening stopped making sense. How could he have _not _wanted this?

For the most part, Light was quiet other than his heavy breathing. But now that they were deep into the act he was letting loose. A few moans here and there whenever L would stop to use his tongue. Groans that warned L that he was being a little _too _good at this.

L wasn't being silent himself. Despite not being the one receiving stimulation, he was still excited. He was enjoying himself far more than he had previously calculated. Muffled moans spilled from his mouth and reverberated around Light's erection.

A sharp tug of hair had startled the detective. He was being forced to suddenly deep throat the murderer. He then realized why, and didn't mind. This meant that L was successful, and he'd happily let Light release how he saw fit.

Light tipped his head back in a silent moan while his fist strained to keep L's surprisingly silky hair in his grasp from the sweat on his palm. He released down the detective's throat, not really caring if it was welcomed or not.

After a few long seconds, the grip on L's hair was released gently. L deemed it safe to remove his mouth now. He frowned at the taste as it was definitely not something he liked.

Light was barely holding himself up on his elbows. He was still breathing heavily, but the sound was much softer now that he was coming down from the high of an orgasm.

L wiped his mouth of any pre-cum that would have remained. None of Light's semen had gotten on his mouth since it all went down his throat. L just sat, staring, waiting for the outburst that he knew was coming.

Light wiped the sweat from his forehead, not sure why a blow job had worked him up that much. He stared at a now bored looking L.

"How was it?" The detective sounded tired, and Light didn't blame him to be honest.

Light looked to the side, not sure what he was searching for. "Good...I guess."

L smiled, Light had come back down to earth. "You _guess_? Is that really all I get?"

Light laughed in a non-humorous way, his voice cracking a bit. "Are we done now?"

L crawled onto his own side of the bed and sat in his usual crouching position. "I suppose so, unless you're in the mood for something else."

Holding up a hand was Light's way of saying 'no'. "Don't even bother asking. I'm going to sleep." His voice was back to normal now, the tone a little shunning.

L was pleased with how things turned out. Of course it could have been more exciting, but he wouldn't complain. Light searched the bed for his underwear, finding them and getting up to slip them back on.

That ugly silence was back. L was already taking his shirt off like he usually did before going to bed. Light was slipping his body under his blanket. L smirked to himself, it was odd seeing Light in bed with him wearing _just _boxers. He felt like he would be getting used to that soon if things continued to go so well.

Both men were now on their respectful sides of the bed. It seemed so absurd considering the amount of intimacy that has just gone down between them.

L knew Light's breathing patterns, and could tell that he hadn't fallen asleep yet.

"I can still taste you."

Light clenched his teeth and rolled as close to the edge of the bed that he could without falling.

"I hate you."

The emotion in the phrase was flat, not giving L anything to read off of.

"I'm glad we're on the same page."


	7. Mirror

**Thank you for the reviews!**

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><p>L was the first to fall asleep that night, so he was the first one to wake up.<p>

It was seven a.m and Light was still passed out from the previous night. L was exceedingly glad that he was the first to wake since he figured that if it were Light, he would have woken up to his face being pummeled.

He wasn't going to bother with waking the other man, it was nice to sit in silence during the morning. And Light talked too much. L reached for his shirt that had somehow fallen off of the nightstand.

Pulling it over his messy head of hair and onto his chest, L paused. While he was about to pull it over his stomach his hands had grazed his ribs. He threw the shirt off again and stood up out of bed, making sure not to tug on the handcuffs and wake Light up.

He walked as closely as he could to the mirror across the room. The detective stared. L brought his slim fingers up to touch the protruding bones. He wasn't aware of how noticeable the weight-loss was. His skin clung tightly to his bones and revealed the crevices between each rib. Not only that, but his stomach was now concave.

L honestly didn't know how to feel about his body. He knew that he had always been underweight, standing at five foot eight and a hundred and ten pounds usually, but he was naturally that way. He couldn't help but notice that _this _was not natural.

Situating his body so that he could see it from the side, L rubbed a hand over his stomach. The way his hand dipped inwards into the flesh made him feel a little sick. L knew that he was ill, but the thought of eating food again just wasn't appealing. He clenched his teeth. He shouldn't have let himself get like this. He was doing fine eating, there was no reason to stop like he did.

Hearing a noise, L looked back over to the bed. He was relieved to see that Light was just turning over in his sleep and showed no other signs of being awake yet. He looked back into the mirror and he figured it out.

Light.

It was Light's fault, L chanted the accusing phrase over and over in his head. He was having trouble stomaching the thought that he couldn't convict Light. He'd thought about what he was doing wrong, what made it so hard this time around? L had no trouble solving a case and catching criminals any other time. It was so confusing, this one. The most logical explanation that the detective could come up with is that he changed his eating habits in hope that maybe he could solve the case by changing himself.

L looked to Light once more. He couldn't tell him that though. They were already on thin ice and saying something like that would cause Light to shut down completely.

L went back to sit on the bed and finally slipped his shirt back on. He wanted to weigh himself but he'd have to go into that bathroom for that. He'd have to wake Light up.

The detective crawled over to Light's side and shoved his shoulder a few times, making the other man groan disapprovingly.

Light grabbed the edge of his blanket and shoved it over his head roughly. He was clear awake but he still wanted to sleep. L couldn't help but smile. It was amazing to think that Kira was the _same_ _man_ who was so whiny in the morning. Light was still so human, and that's what gave L the small amount of hope that he had.

"Light wake up, I need to go into the bathroom." L tried shoving the man's shoulder once again, putting a little more effort into it.

Light shot up, shoving the blanket to the side. "Do you seriously think you have the right to wake me up so early after giving me a hard time last night and keeping me up?" His eyes were still slightly squinting with sleep. His hair wasn't perfect either.

L glared at him. "You enjoyed it though. And I wasn't able to sleep until we finally did something together."

Light stood up and made his way to the bathroom door, dragging L along. "I'm pretty damn sure you would've lived _without _giving me a blow job. Now hurry up so I can get at least a few more minutes of sleep."

L wasn't going to complain, at least Light was awake now. He opened the bathroom door and left it open so he could keep an eye on the other man. There was a scale on the floor that went unused. L slid it away from the wall and situated it inside of a single floor tile with his foot. He stepped on it, mentally noting to subtract the weight of the handcuffs and his clothing later on.

Light couldn't help but be curious. He peaked inside since he too wanted to know how much L currently weighed. He couldn't see the number that was brought to the small screen from where he was standing though.

L looked down in slight horror. "Eighty-nine point three." He didn't mean to say it aloud.

Light raised an eyebrow and walked further into the bathroom to see for himself. Yep, there it was. L looked to the man as if he wanted confirmation that he was reading the number correctly.

"About last night..." Light leaned back into the door frame. "I asked to you to tell me about this."

L nodded and stepped off the scale. He joined Light by the door. "That's fine, I think I'm ready to talk about it."

"Before you do though, don't read this the wrong way. This is purely out of curiosity, nothing more." Light didn't want feelings to get communicated incorrectly.

L could tell that Light cared at least a little. But of course he'd never get him to admit it out loud. "I understand."

Light pointed to the bed with his thumb, quietly asking L to join him there to sit. They sat on their own sides of the bed facing one another. Light crossed his arms, waiting.

L knew that he couldn't tell Light that he blamed him. Light would also want the emotional side of the situation and not the logic. The atmosphere thickened again.

Fiddling with his feet, L thought of how to start things off. "Watari is upset with me."

Light scoffed and leaned his chin on his hand. "And he has every right to be. I'm not sure what he is to you, but from what I've seen you seem like family."

Not wanting to give anything about his past away, L simply nodded. Watari was his father figure, but Light didn't have to know that much.

"This isn't a self esteem issue is it?" Light continued on.

"Not at all, I don't really know where my self esteem level sits, but it's not an important aspect of my life."

Light grimaced. What that hell kind of answer was _that_? Had L grown up in some weird place where children didn't have to worry about things like that, or was he just uniquely odd?

L smiled softly. "I can tell what you're thinking. I'm sorry that I cannot elaborate, but I have always been like this."

"Let's just get down to business. Why did you _really _stop eating?" Light had always been impatient, today had no exceptions.

L couldn't tell Light about what he had realized earlier. But he wouldn't lie, he'd just tell the truth incompletely. "I initially stopped to see if it would change my ability to think. It is common knowledge that to change a person's mindset you must take something away, or add something, to an extreme level. My deductive abilities usually rely on two things: The way I sit and my eating habits. I'd have to keep my posture since it's a huge part of my ability to think, the sugar came second."

Light listened carefully throughout, nodding his head at certain statements. "So, tell me Ryuzaki, did it work?"

L bit his thumb. "I believe so. But I did not put the negative repercussions into the mix while I was thinking of doing this. So now..." L motioned to his body. "I'm stuck with this."

"You're more intelligent than that, you should have known this would happen. Didn't you do any research on eating disorders beforehand?" Light looked a little pissed now.

"I hate to admit it, but no, I did not. It never occurred to me that _I _could develop an eating disorder. But I suppose a lot of eating disorders occur on accident. I am a prime example of this." L felt shame for the first time in a very long time.

Light's expression was no longer so harsh. He was glad to hear that L was aware of things. "So you acknowledge that you have a problem?"

"I do, but I can't jus-"

There was a knock on the door, it swinging open after. Watari came in like clockwork with breakfast. The elderly man stopped walking through the room after seeing that the two men on the bed were having a deep conversation. He felt like he was intruding.

"I'm sorry, I just thought I'd bring you your meal." Watari smiled and sat the tray down and turned to leave.

The door clicked after closing. Light looked to L.

"Watari is good at hiding his emotions. If he's worried about you, it would be news to me." Light picked the tray up and sat it in front of L, expecting him to eat.

"I've talked to him in private about it. He said he's disappointed in me and that he expects more from me." L looked down at the food. "You want me to eat." It wasn't a question, just a fact.

Light nodded. "I let you do what you wanted to last night. The least you can do is try and eat a little in return."

L wasn't going to bring up the fact that they hadn't gone all the way like he'd wanted to. But Light was indeed correct, they at least did something sexual which was a huge leap for them. And he grateful that Light wasn't bitching at him this morning like he'd expected.

The detective picked up a piece of toast that had an egg elegantly laid on top of it. Watari had stopped bringing L sweet foods in fear that it would make him less eager to eat it do to his changed appetite.

There were two cups of coffee included among the food. Light picked one up and handed it to L who gladly accepted it. He was about to drink it but Light interrupted.

"Put sugar in it." Light pointed to the small bowl of sugar cubes. "Your face when you drink it black is _not_ attractive."

L sighed in defeat and picked up a few cubes and dropped them into the liquid. He remembered how he used to do this daily, adding more than enough sugar for three cups. L smirked as he stirred the coffee. "So is my face attractive at other times?"

Light crossed his arms again and looked to the side. "That's not what I meant."

After taking a few sips and having mixed feelings about the sugar, L sat the cup down to try to eat the rest of his breakfast. "You'll come around soon enough, Light. You can't deny it forever."

A scoffing sound came from Light's throat. "There's nothing to deny. Now shut up and eat so we can go downstairs."

L hummed to himself, trying to ignore his food intake. He sometimes enjoyed Light's stubborn nature. At times, he could even call it _cute _as many girls would. L was very aware of why Light was so popular with women. He was attractive, young, intelligent..._manipulative_. L was pleased with knowing he wasn't like all the women Light had 'dated'. _He _wouldn't be manipulated by Light. L was intelligent enough to call out behavior like that. On top of that, Light had no reason to manipulate L in a romantic or sexual way. Light did not necessarily seek out a deeper relationship with the detective, therefore there would never be any means for Light to lie in absurd ways to keep the attraction between them going. Because the attraction did not initially exist, L was trying to build it up between them naturally.

Light noticed that L had cleared the plate made for him, save a few small things. This didn't bother him much since he assumed that L would have to ween himself back onto food slowly.

"Are you finished? I want to take a shower since I didn't get a chance to last night." Light received a small nod. He sat the tray to the side and both men stood up.

Despite the fact that L would rather have it the other way, they still showered separately.


	8. Unattractive

L swiveled his chair back and forth, somewhat ignoring the task force members.

Aizawa cleared his throat and held a document in his hand. "Ryuzaki."

L stopped swiftly and looked over to the others. "Yes?"

Matsuda turned to Soichiro. "Chief, is it me or does Ryuzaki seem a little spaced out today?"

Light's father nodded. "I see what you mean, Matsuda."

"Anyway...We thought that maybe Kira was killing again when we heard that an inmate had a heart attack last night." Aizawa looked at the paper, scowling.

This piqued L's curiosity. Aizawa finally had his attention. The detective looked to Light, who only gave him a glare in return. "You thought?"

The man scratched the back of his neck and then flicked the paper in his hand. "Yeah, turns out it occurred naturally. The prison physician told us that the inmate had suffered from heart defects from the beginning and that they'd expected a heart attack to occur anyway. So again, we have nothing."

L was disappointed. Not that he wanted someone to be murdered, he just thought that maybe they had something to keep things busy around there. He started swiveling his chair again.

Light was jerked forward a bit, causing him to stumble out of his chair. "Hey! Cut it out Ryuzaki, I'm attached to you. Or did you forget?"

The detective stopped again and turned to Light. "No I haven't forgotten."

"Ugh, just be more careful." Light turned back to the computer he always worked on.

"Hmm, someone's moody today." L was annoyed with himself. Sitting down here all day doing nothing was getting to him. He wasn't constantly eating anything and he had nothing to work on.

Light stood up. "I wonder why? Maybe because you kept me up all night and didn't even have the decency to let me sleep in!"

The others looked over to Light. He was being far too loud.

L bit his thumb, looking to the ceiling. "Light, you're making a scene..."

The younger man noticed the extra attention being paid to them. He didn't seem to care right now. Light was overly aggravated today. He grabbed L by his shirt.

"You know, maybe if you weren't so thin that you could break right now, I'd hurt you."

Aizawa ran over to them, the other two following. He went to grab Light and pull him away but L held up his hand.

"That won't be necessary, everything is fine." The detective was glaring at Light. Not only was he mentioning his weight, but he was doing it in front of everyone. "You didn't seem to have any trouble hitting me last night."

Matsuda looked confused and looked around to see if he was the only one. He wasn't.

"What happened last night?" Soichiro interjected now, wondering why his son was acting like this.

L's mouth curled up into a smile. "Yes Light, why don't you tell them what happened last night?"

Light began to let go of L's shirt, letting it slip out of his fist. L was trying to get him to calm down. He knew that if he didn't then L would tell them everything.

He sat back down, smoothing out his pants. "Never mind, it's not important. We were just messing around last night."

"Yes, messing around indeed." The smile was still there. Light looked at him with warning eyes.

Everyone relaxed a little. "Alright, as long as no one got badly hurt. Light, please clean up your act. It's making you look more suspicious I'm sure." His father chided.

Before Light could say anything, L was speaking. "No, for once this doesn't raise your son's percentage. The reason for his irritability today is entirely my fault and I will take responsibility. Now please get back to work and see if you can find anything that will help the case move along."

The three men nodded in unison, retreating back to their work spaces. They were curious, but no one had the balls to ask what had gone on.

Light leaned over. "Are you fucking with me? My dad is in the room."

L tried his best to look clueless, but Light saw through it. "Don't get so worked up. I would never tell your father that you had sexual relations with me."

He was glad it was a whisper, but just hearing it said in an open room like that felt so _wrong_. "Let's just...not talk about it while the others are around. It makes me uneasy."

L narrowed his eyes at that. "Fair enough. But if things go farther then surely someone will know. Can you really keep such a secret to yourself?" Oh wait, _duh_. "Never mind, that was a stupid question. If you can keep being Kira a secret, I'm sure this wouldn't even matter in comparison."

Light started searching random information on the computer to keep himself busy. "There you go again..."

It was interesting to the detective that Light hadn't put up his usual defense. He wasn't being so over-dramatic. Maybe it was the lack of sleep. L put his finger in his mouth and chewed.

"...I should keep you awake much more often." L said it more to himself, but Light heard.

Honestly he was nervous about something other than being Kira for once. Light was dreading going back to their room later on. It's not that he minded L wanting sex from him, it's that he didn't want to admit it. He was aware of his own narcissism. It was what kept him from just going with the flow. Even though L wanted _him _to be in control, he felt like he was losing it by giving in.

L looked over to read Light's face. He was trying to figure out what he was thinking but wasn't able to. _God _he needed food.

"No you don't." He didn't mean to say it out loud, but he did.

Light looked at him with narrowed eyes. "Excuse me? Don't tell me you're talking to yourself now."

L was more than a little pissed off at himself. It was like him to speak his thoughts out loud, but not when they were directed to himself.

The detective suddenly stood up. "I'm going to the bathroom."

Light nodded, not really caring where he went. The bathroom was near Light's chair. L stepped in and closed the door as much as he could, giving the handcuffs enough room to slip in the room.

L flipped the light switch on. There were two bulbs but one of them had blown, he'd have to get someone to replace that. He made his way to the sink and leaned over. There was a mirror, and the detective really didn't want to look into it. But curiosity always gets the better of him.

He knew he shouldn't have looked, it only made him feel worse. L's cheek bones were more prominent and his face was hallowing. He didn't pay any attention to the dark circles under his eyes since that he was used to, but they were indeed getting worse.

L had never paid any attention to his looks before. But now he felt so...unattractive. He was going to inspect his body further but there was a hurried knock at the door.

A voice spoke. "Uh Ryuzaki? Sorry but I really have to go."

He frowned. _Matsuda_.

L opened the door, motioning with his hands for the other man to go ahead. Matsuda gladly went in and shut the door to urinate.

The detective shoved his hands in his pockets. He noticed that his jeans were saggier than usual. Watari would have to pick out new ones for him in a smaller size.

Light watched L sit back down, crouching. He scooted closer to him.

"Light, I think I see why you won't sleep with me." L's voice was hushed, even for a whisper. He sounded...sad.

Light whipped his head around at the sudden topic. He didn't say anything, just gave a look that urged the other man to go on.

"I'm not what you would call attractive, am I?" L's expression made Light very uneasy. It was rare to see him look so melancholy.

"You and I both know that's no the reason, Ryuzaki. I thought you didn't pay attention to your self esteem anyway?" Light crossed his legs as he faced the other man.

L for some reason, wasn't buying that his looks weren't a reason why Light denied his advances. "I didn't think I would ever care about how I look, but then I looked in the mirror." He pointed to the bathroom.

Light groaned, he did _not _want to have this conversation. "Stop looking in mirrors then. Maybe if you gained some weight back you wouldn't feel so self conscious."

L frowned at the words. "So you agree, I am unattractive."

The Kira inside of Light was ready to come out and beat the shit out of L if he didn't stop talking soon. "That's not what I'm saying, now you're just putting words in my mouth. What I _am _saying, is that you look sick. And you _are _sick."

The detective was still unsatisfied with the answer. "In the most heterosexual way possible, can you tell me if I was attractive before?" He added the heterosexual bit to make Light more comfortable.

Light gave in. As long as L didn't take it as a personal compliment, he didn't mind telling him. "Fine. Yes, you were attractive. You looked perfectly fine at your previous weight."

Okay, that was a _little _better. But it wasn't enough. "What was attractive about me?"

Ten seconds, he was ten seconds from dragging L into the other room and smacking him around. "Dammit, I don't know." Light was never in a situation where he had to pick out attractive traits on other people, especially on another man. "I guess you still have the things that made you attractive before."

L smirked a bit. So Light was saying that he still found him attractive? "And do you mind elaborating for me?"

"You're going to drive _me _into a heart attack I swear." L would never be so lucky. "Okay, your hair is kind of interesting. I guess that makes you attractive."

There was a frown of confusion. L reached up to touch his hair. "My hair? Isn't it the opposite of what people like? It's very unkempt. Your hair is very smooth and well cared for."

The urge to give the man a concussion was rising. "That's the reason. It's different, different is nice. Compared to your hair, mine is boring." Light knew that L would want more. "Your intelligence is another factor. And your small quirks too I guess. The way you sit, maybe even your habit of chewing on things."

L was taking all the information in, mentally taking notes. "Thank you, Light. You may not know, but that was very much appreciated."

Light slumped his shoulders in relief. He was close to murdering someone the old fashioned way for once. "Good, now leave me alone."

"But I'm bored."

_Why him? _Why when he was sleep deprived_? "And _what do you want _me _to do about it?"

L could sense the hostility, but you didn't have to be a genius to figure that out. He thought he'd try and lighten the mood. "Hm, I suppose we _could _go into the other room and make out."

The mood was _not _lightened. Light didn't even bother facing L. "Go make out with yourself, I'm not moving from this chair."

"Light, correct me if I'm wrong but I do believe it's impossible to make out with yourself. I would require your mouth as well." He was fucking with him now, just for fun. Genius minds get bored easily.

L grimaced when Light didn't have anything to say in return. At least bickering kept them busy, but Light wasn't giving them the chance. L turned to his own thoughts for entertainment seeing that Light wasn't up for any teasing.

Just Light giving his looks praise made L feel better about himself. That caused him to have conflicted feelings towards himself. Since when did the great 'L' need praise from others? The detective was beginning to think that his feelings for Light were becoming somewhat of a hindrance to his own psyche. He longed for the other man's approval and affection. It was a foreign feeling.

L glanced at Light, casually observing him. Light had the upper hand in life. Why would he go and ruin himself by becoming Kira? The younger man could have so much more in life.

There was a realization. L's eyes widened, still fixed on Light's form_. He was in love with a mass murderer. _L silently freaked out. He kept his breakdown inside of his head and made sure not to say anything aloud. What would happen if they did somehow find Light guilty? What would he do then?

L didn't want to think about that. He wanted to keep his thoughts in the present. He had Light right at his side and he wasn't planning on changing that anytime soon. For all he knew, they had all the time in the world to eventually have mutual love.

He couldn't help but have his mind in the gutter as well. L wanted to sleep with Light, in the biblical sense. Not only did he want it for the obvious physical reason, but the detective knew that it would do his mind some good too. He would feel better about himself knowing that Light was attracted to him enough to actually get intimate. Besides, he wasn't feeling up to giving blow jobs every night. The taste was horrid and he didn't anything in return for his hard work.

"Light." L called for the man, getting his attention and a sigh.

"_What_?" The single word was hissed. But it didn't bother L.

"I'm sending everyone home at six. Do you suppose you could think about how we're going to have intercourse for the first time until then? I won't have a repeat of last night."

It sounded like Light was being given normal orders from the tone of L's voice. Light was lost. "What?"

L sighed and rolled his eyes. He leaned into his chair more. "I know for a fact that you understood me. Now please, can you mentally prepare yourself?"

Again, Light had nothing much to say. He mumbled a few things about L being stupid and not knowing what he was talking about. But he _would _give it some thought, it's not like there was anything else to do.


	9. Conflicting

**So sorry about the late-ish wait for this chapter. I'm actually dealing with my own eating disorder lmao. And I was trying to decide on whether or not to make them have sex in this chapter. Thank you all for reading! I appreciate it highly.**

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><p>The internet was Light's savior for the rest of the day. He tried countless times to just come up with a scenario on his own that would help him figure out how things would go tonight. But of course that was useless.<p>

Every time someone would walk by his computer, Light would have to click on a new tab in fear that someone would see what he was reading up on. L was thoroughly enjoying it. Light gathered as much information as the time limit and his brain would allow. L had leaned over once and suggested that Light clear his search history when he was finished.

Once six o'clock rolled around, Light was a mess. He was dreading the inevitable walk he would have to take with L to their room. To Light's own surprise though, L didn't seem like he was going to say anything inappropriate. In fact, he seemed pretty serious.

The rest of the task force had left and L was waiting on Light while he shut down his computer. Once he was finished he too stood up.

"So, are we going to go then?" L looked towards the stairs.

God, he really needed an excuse right now. But Light couldn't come up with any. He had none. "Yeah..."

Not saying anything, L began walking with the other man. Light was confused, why hadn't L asked if he was nervous or even if he was ready? He always seemed so keen to try and make Light uncomfortable if the situation granted him the power to do so.

When they walked into their room, they just stood there at the door. They were both looking in different directions, Light at the floor and L at the wall beside him.

Light knew that L was waiting on _him_. He wanted the first move to be made by Light. The bad thing was that Light didn't know what to do. He had read enough to learn about the act itself, but didn't find anything about how to initiate it. Maybe that's because it should come naturally and shouldn't have to be thought about or planned out.

L showed no signs of going anywhere in the room. He just stood in the same place, waiting. Light glanced at him once, just to see if he could read what he wanted. There were no signs, L was going to make Light figure this out on his own.

He'd have to think about their past conversation. L wanted Kira to do what he wanted with him. Of course killing him wasn't allowed, but other things were. He would get nowhere by trying to sit L on the bed and whispering false sweet nothings into his ear. That's not what this was about. That's not what _they're _about.

Light inwardly sighed. He turned to L and grabbed the mans face carefully. L looked at him, fighting the urge to smile.

Light stared for just a small moment before punching L in the face. He'd maybe done it a little too hard considering the other man had stumbled back into the wall behind him. L brought his hand up to touch his face, noticing that his nose was now bleeding. He wiped some it away, causing it to smear to the side of his face.

It was the first time Light had ever seen L bleed. His expression was dark now, which L took as a sign that Light had enjoyed that. That Kira had enjoyed it even _more_.

Again, L stood there. Yeah that was nice and all but it wasn't exactly what he was looking for. His goal was to tempt Light into acting on his own accord instead of waiting for instructions. There wasn't really a set of instructions that could be given for this type of thing anyway.

After almost an entire minutes of staring and L's nose still gushing blood, he was starting to get nervous that Light may come down from the high of hurting the detective and back out. He'd give a push, but just a small one.

The blood was dripping onto and past his lips now, causing L to have to wipe it away every few seconds. "I _really _hate you."

As he'd figured, that was enough for the other man. Light grabbed him by the hair, forcing L to follow him as he walked to the bed. He let go of that black hair, kneeing L in the stomach and causing him to fall onto the bed in slight pain.

Light followed, climbing over L's body as he held himself up on his hands.

"You don't hate me, I can tell. You're a bad liar, Ryuzaki. But I do hate _you_." Light had hissed it between his teeth, trying as much as he could to emphasize it as the truth. Because it was, and L knew that.

L tried to reach up and wipe his still bleeding nose, but Light had caught his wrist and held into the bed harshly. L frowned, he was digging his nails in on purpose.

Light dipped his head down with an open mouth and pried L's mouth open uncaringly with his thumb. He didn't need to use force, all Light had to do was ask. But Light didn't want permission, he wanted to be able to do things on his own.

L couldn't tell if it was because Light was inexperienced or he just wanted to be rough, either way the intended kiss turned into teeth clacking together painfully and awkward. Finally finding the correct angle for his head Light plunged his tongue, giving him the taste of blood and nothing else. L found it a little odd that Light didn't mind that his nose was bleeding all over both of their lips, but he didn't think about it for too long.

It was weirder than L had thought it would be, to have someone else's tongue in his mouth. Light didn't seem to be too sure of what he was doing anyway. He would go from licking L's tongue to random places in his mouth like the roof of it or the inside of his cheek. L was going to follow the actions in Light's mouth, but as soon as he tried to Light grabbed him by the hair harshly. Alright, Light didn't want him to participate, L could respect that.

After a few minutes of one-sided making out, Light stopped. L looked up and noticed that the man's breathing was labored and that his own blood was smeared all over his mouth and chin. It was an interesting sight for the detective.

Now that the murderer in the room was finally aroused, he was willing to go further. Light leaned down to start unbuttoning L's jeans

"I hope you know that this is a waste of our brilliance. I'm sure we could be doing something productive right now." He was at the zipper now, not yet pulling it down all the way.

There was no question about who was going to be on top, it was so obvious that it didn't even need to be stated. L watched Light's hands intently as they laid to rest on his thigh.

"What else could we be possibly doing? There is no work to be done, and with you being Kira it's not like we're losing anything by not investigating anyone."

Light didn't make any comments towards that. He slid L's jeans down just enough to where his hip bones were exposed. L laid his head back and stared at the ceiling. He felt a little nervous about having Light look at his body in this state. Maybe Light wouldn't notice.

Light _did _notice. L's hip bones were prodding out from under pasty white skin. It honestly gave him mixed feelings. In one aspect it fascinated Light to see the detective in such a vulnerable state. Sometimes L didn't seem human to the murderer, like he was a computer full of information covered by a human shell. But this showed Light that there was indeed an actual person underneath all the intelligence and work ethic. L was human, he had skin, he had bones, he had desires..._emotions_. It was a chilling experience for Light to realize the man beneath him was so highly respected and powerful, yet could also be so human and honest.

And the _other _aspect is what made Light back off. L was sick, _grossly _sick. His body was becoming emaciated from his dangerously low weight.

L dared to look at Light again when he noticed nothing was happening. Light was staring down at the other man's pelvic area, just lost in conflict.

Light could feel the power high dying down inside of him. This wasn't power. This man was weak and sick, taking advantage of him would not show that Light had power, it would just be _wrong_. On a realistic note, Light couldn't bring himself to have sex with L in this state. It would be like fucking a corpse, and on top of that he'd imagined that L would be in pain from his bones being more brittle and sharp.

Light sat back and balanced himself up with one arm and his other hand on his face. He wasn't sure what he was feeling but it was a mixture of shame and self disappointment. L leaned up, zipping his pants back up.

He didn't want to be too intrusive, but he needed to know what was going on. "Light, tell what you're thinking."

Light didn't bother uncovering his face, he talked through his hand. "I can't do this. It's fucked up."

L knew instantly. He took hold of Light's hand and gently brought it to his ribs.

Light internally cringed at feeling the hard bones against his soft palm. What was L trying to do, make him feel even fucking worse?

"It's not that bad, just feel." L stared softly at Light, trying to make him feel comfortable.

Even though he didn't want to, Light complied and felt the bone up and down with his hand. He still couldn't get used to it. He retracted his hand and glanced down, feeling exhausted.

"I just don't know how you can handle being like this." Light was feeling his own ribs now, so entranced by how his own seemed non-existent compared to L's that were protruding.

L knew that they would not have sex tonight. He would admit the defeat for now. His expression was somewhat sad.

"I'll eat tomorrow."

Light's posture improved. "You'll eat _everyday_." His eyes were stern now. "If you want this to work, gain some weight back. I just can't do it when I feel like I could break you."

This wasn't going too well in L's head. He was stubborn, and he needed to have things _his _way. But this was an exception he was willing to make. And if he played his cards right, he may even get a relationship out of it...and a confession from a serial killer.

"Fine, I will eat. But you need to open up more, it's only fair." L was _so _tired that he _wasn't _even tired anymore. This hadn't happened in a while. "As I said before, no confession you make in this room is valid. Therefore, I want to know more about the mind of Kira. What you think, your reasoning, and how you justify your killings."

Light's eyes were a blank stare. He was trying to numb himself to any feelings of anxiety that would cause him to back out of this. This was basically a free form of therapy and outlet for the secret side of him. There would be no negative repercussions. He agreed to the terms and made sure he couldn't think about it much before falling asleep next to a silently crying L. Why he was crying, he wasn't sure.

The only thing L could come up with was that his _body _was starting to match the _ugly _inside of the killer he slept next to every night. Light was empty, and so was he. L was just starting to show it on the outside, and that _bothered _him.


	10. Names

**Don't hurt me please. I'll be in my corner awaiting possibly angry reviews. **

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><p>"I just don't see what I'm getting out of this." Light was showering and in the middle of scrubbing his hair.<p>

L was sitting on the bathroom counter and fiddling with his hair. He blew a strand out of his face that had been pestering his eye sight.

"We've already talked about that, Light. You get to be yourself."

Light audibly sighed and turned the cold water down a bit, making the shower water a little hotter. "I just don't think that's enough honestly. You get sex _and _information."

"You would be getting sex too, you know. You also get to be on top, that should be rewarding enough." L was just joking around at this point. For some reason he had slept really well that night. It was probably due to the fact that he let out some type of emotion, which was refreshing.

"Yeah, but what you're getting will be exceedingly valuable. Sex and venting are short lived, so I'm getting the bad end of the situation." Light was already done showering but didn't want to get out yet. He wanted to continue this conversation, just not naked in front of L.

L knew that Light had a point there. It _was _only fair to give the man something of equal value.

He chewed on his thumb. "What would you want then? I have an abundance of money, surely there's something I could give you."

"I am _not _going to sleep with you for money, Ryuzaki. Do you know how sleazy that sounds?" L was wealthy, and money meant power in this world. Light would never admit it out loud, but a man with money was a very enticing thought. But there was something _much _more enticing than wealth. "What I want is hard to attain, but easily given."

L was intrigued now. He did have a small suspicion that Light wouldn't want anything that money could buy though. "What might that be?"

Light stopped rinsing his hair tangled his fingers in it. It would take a lot of courage to ask for it, but Light had enough courage to supply an army.

"Your name."

Light smirked to himself when he could hear the slight ghosting of a gasp or a sigh. Which ever it was, it was still a reaction.

L didn't reply immediately. He actually wanted to think about this for once instead of giving a snap reply of "no". If Light _did _get his name, could Light even kill him? Yes of course he had the means, but it would be far too easy to convict Light if L were to die. No one here but Watari knew L's real name, and it would point to Light if L died by the hands of Kira.

"Yes." It was simple enough.

Light grabbed the shower curtain and slid it open abruptly. His eyes were widened, he hadn't expected this. "What?" Light's voice cracked a bit.

"I said yes. I agree to give you my name." The words felt so odd coming out of L's mouth. He was so tight-lipped about his name that he wasn't even used to hearing it anymore.

Light was a bit too eager now. "When are you going to tell me?"

L was amused and slightly disgusted at how excited Light was to get his name. Was Light after it for the kill, or the knowledge of it? They'd have to find out.

"When you're done, I suppose."

All of a sudden Light was all too willing to get out of the shower. He shut off the water and stepped out, not caring that he hadn't bothered to dry his hair and was getting the floor wet. He wrapped a towel around his waist.

Light was already dragging L out of the bathroom. "Don't you want me to unlock the handcuffs so you can put a shirt on and get dressed?" L asked in annoyance. Why couldn't Light show this much enthusiasm about sex?

The younger man put on underwear and a pair of jeans; he was going casual today. L could see that Light didn't have any patience, so he decided that now would be a good time to prepare for revealing his name.

L got a tape recorder out of the closet that was sitting untouched on a shelf. Light looked confused.

"What the hell is that for?" For a moment Light maybe thought it was a hidden wiretap, but noticed what it was afterwards.

L sat on the edge of the bed and fumbled with the device. He was feeling anxiety at this point. He was about to give out sacred information to the one person who should _never _get hold of it.

Light joined him on the bed, his hair still dripping.

"I want to be safe about this. Therefore I am going to record our conversation of me giving out my name to you. I will give this to Watari for safe keeping. If you end up killing me, there will be proof that you knew my name and murdered me."

Light frowned. L was too intelligent for his own good. He crossed his arms. "That's fine by me I guess, just get on with it."

L narrowed his eyes. "Your eagerness is unsettling." He pressed the recording button. "First, please state your name."

Light tensed up a bit. This felt a bit like the start of confession, but he knew that he didn't have to say anything about being Kira. "Yagami Light."

L nodded in approval, the knot in his stomach was getting worse. "If I, L, am to die after telling you my name do you agree to take responsibilty for my death?"

Light paled a bit. That was asking a bit much of him, right? L could see the tension going on in Light's body.

"Allow me to rephrase the question." L cleared his throat. "If I am to die of unnatural or sudden causes, do you agree to take the responsiblity?"

That was a little better, but it still made Light a little angry that if he did decide to kill L, he'd have to tip-toe around the rules of the death note and find a way to be more subtle. Choking on tea, that would be a good one.

"Yes, I fully agree to take responsibility." Light almost regretted asking. It would be a huge burden to have the world's greatest detective's name. L's life was literally held in Light's hands. All it would take is pen and paper to get rid of him.

This was L's queue to finally say it, but he still wasn't quite ready. He put his hand over the tape recorder to muffle the mic.

L smiled bitterly at Light. "Can you at least...kiss me first? I feel as if it would make me a little more comfortable giving you such a personal piece of information."

Light wasn't even going to think twice. If it would help him get L's name, he'd do it. And secretly it felt nice to kiss the other man, but that wasn't important right now. He leaned into L's face, giving him a simple but long-lived kiss on the lips. It wasn't as satisfying as last night's kiss, but L would take it. He felt a little more at ease now, as if he could say that Light was close enough to be allowed to know.

L uncovered the mic. "Well, you already know my first name."

Light raised an eyebrow. "Ryuzaki?"

L shook his head. "No, it's L."

Okay, now Light was confused. "That's just a single letter. _And _it's your alias."

"You are correct, but it is also my first name. Do not ask why, I wasn't the one who chose it of course." He would give Light that much, but would not speak about his upbringing.

There was a small laugh from Light. "Wow, it's really 'L'. I honestly never would have guessed..." He was staring at L a little too long without noticing it.

"Lawliet."

L immediately pushed the 'stop' button and sat the tape recorder to the side. He watched Light's movements closely.

Light meanwhile was dumbfounded. He had just obtained the one thing he had been longing for and was now being looked at like prey. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

L groaned low in his throat, skeptical that Light wasn't making any sudden movements to try and kill him in some way. "You're not going to kill me."

Light's posture was a bit relaxed now. "Why would I try and do that? It would get me in a lot of trouble, don't you agree, Lawliet?"

He sneered at his name. It was so awkward and so many other bad feelings to hear it out loud like that. Especially from _Light_.

"Don't call me that." L had to calm down, his skin was starting to get chilled from anxiety.

"Why not? You told me your name and now you expect me to not use it?" Light wasn't stupid, he knew why L didn't want his real name being said out loud. _It was just too fun to fuck with him. _

L had an oncoming headache. It was most likely from lack off food, but he wanted to believe it was caused by Light being annoying as shit.

"No one else can know that you are aware of my real name. Not even Watari. Not only would he act drastically but he would be severely angry at me. I would not blame him though, I will admit that it was a rather stupid move for me to make." L was picking at his fingernails. He could die at any moment now, and it was his fault alone.

As much fun as it was to get L all worked up, Light still felt bad that L would have to watch his back every day now. He couldn't imagine having to cower in fear silently while waiting to die but not knowing when. It was honestly the first time Light had ever felt sympathy for a possible victim, or L.

Light decided to turn on his 'caring' mode to make L feel at ease. He sat closer to the other man and wrapped an arm around L's thinning waist.

"Don't worry, I don't have a reason to kill you. You're not a criminal."

L looked a little surprised. It was the first time Light had ever admitted to killing. As morbid as that was, it made L feel safe. Not because Light had said he wasn't going to die, but because Light was finally giving some trust.

"You can say it one last time...my name, that is. It's been many years since I've heard it, and it's a bit terrifying but still refreshing. It almost makes me feel normal." L relaxed a bit into Light's arm.

Light felt a little odd showing affection, even if it was a small amount. This just wasn't him, but L was changing his personality and that was unsettling. Light couldn't lose himself, not like this.

"You need to eat, Lawliet." It was the only thing Light could think to say. He didn't want to slip and say anything gross and romantic.

L shied away from Light's arm around him and pulled his knees up to his chest. "You need to tell me how you kill. If I found out I may be able to finally get some sleep at night."

Light rolled his eyes. "Even if I _did _tell you, there is no way you would believe me. Just leave it alone for now." A part of Light did want to tell L about the death note, but even though it was absurd it would still get him one step closer to the electric chair.

"Hmm, fair enough." L glanced at the clock. "Watari should be coming in with our breakfast soon."

Light stretched. "I guess you can unlock my handcuff so I can put on a shirt."

L nodded and got the key out. Light got up and began looking through the closet for a shirt to wear that day.

Meanwhile L laid back against a pillow on their bed. He sometimes enjoyed the few minutes he wasn't chained to Light. It was nice to be able to move and not worry about hindering another person. He glanced up.

"Light, would it be weird to say you have a nice body?" L was monotone in his speech, much like always.

Light didn't bother turning around. He was slipping on a white button up shirt. He was wearing jeans today, he thought wearing a white shirt would be interesting since it would mimic L's daily clothing.

"I wouldn't say it's _weird_, maybe a little uncomfortable."

L just gave a confused look in return, expecting an explanation. Light found it humorous how L didn't have eyebrows, causing his face to lack emotion. He'd have to ask about that later.

"Well I mean it's coming from _you_. You don't like me, you _hate _me. Your job is to put me in prison. Yet here you are, wanting sex from me and complimenting my body."

L wasn't ready to tell Light that he actually didn't hate him. Well maybe that wasn't true. You could still be in love with someone and hate them. At least that's how L saw things.

"Will I ever be normal?"

Light noticed that L had said it more to himself. "You _are _normal, you just won't let yourself show it."

Shaking his head in disapproval, L got up and went to restrain Light's wrist again. "Forget about it. After we eat we're going downstairs. Remember not to mention my name."

Light didn't have anything to say, he was just glad that L was going to eat. Maybe last night had convinced him.

Watari had walked in the room looking a little more confident. L was eating at least a little lately and Watari had high hoped that the young man would continue.

After his father figure had gave them their meal, L held out the tape recorder.

"Watari, this is very important." L looked stern. It was odd to see an older man taking orders from a younger one. "Please keep this tape in a safe place. Do not listen to it until after the event of my death."

Surprisingly enough to Light, Watari simply nodded and took the tape with him; no questions asked. Light felt like he had done something horribly wrong. Seeing the tape leave the room was not pleasant. Killing L would be hard at this point knowing that he would still be convicted.

L began cutting his food up into small pieces. "Don't be too worried. At this point I may die from starvation before you can get to me."

As lovely as that sounded, Light didn't want L to die like that. A heart attack probably wasn't all that great, but starvation would be much more painful. L didn't deserve that, he wasn't a criminal he was just in the way.

"I won't let that happen. Even if it costs me _my _life."

At first that sounded quite sweet, but L knew that it just meant that Light wouldn't let anyone take his kill. Light felt entitled to L's life, like it was his own little thing to keep. A sick part of L loved knowing that Light valued his life enough to want to be the only one to end it.

Maybe that was Light's version of love.


	11. Quick AN thingy

**Okay, not a new chapter (sosorryyouprobablythoughtthiswas) but before I write the next chapter I have a few little things to ask/tell.**

**Someone made a review about L starting to self harm. Being a self harmer, I could write that pretty well. I don't want to add that to the story though if it will seem off or just not something you guys want. So I need to know if I should add that in.**

**Also, do you want this to be longer or wrap up pretty soon? That's something I'm torn between. I can do either.**

**Something I wanted to share is that I've been doing a shit ton of fanart of L and Light together. I don't know why I haven't mentioned it before lmaooo.**

**You can find it on my deviantart here: Wiltingboy . deviantart . com (Remove spaces of course)**

**(I have a Death Note gallery on there if you don't want to dig through my other art)**

**That's about it. Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing, I honestly didn't see this many people reading this.**


	12. Air

**I got so many mixed messages about the self harm thing so I'll just leave it out I suppose. Also since you guys wanted Light and L to be closer, I did just that. Thank you again for reading and reviewing.**

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><p>Light and L were late getting downstairs today. They had a lot to talk about. The rest of the task force didn't really seem to care considering it gave them some time to converse.<p>

"Maybe he needs an intervention or something guys, this is starting to get annoying." Matsuda was leaning on the arm of the couch in the room, looking bored.

Soichiro pinched the bridge of his nose. He didn't have a lot to add to the conversation given that his children had never had these kinds of issues. The man just wouldn't know how to handle it. The other two men in the room were younger than him, they would address this way better than he ever could.

"_Starting _to get annoying? It's been annoying, Matsuda." Aizawa had been fed up with this shit for a while now. "The bad thing is that we can't do anything about it. Ryuzaki may be younger than us but we don't have the authority to ask him anything personal."

Soichiro could add to that. "And we don't have the authority to ask Watari to say anything to him either."

It was then that they heard 2 pairs of footsteps coming down the stairway. They were all a little perplexed about how happy the two young men seemed. L was smiling for once, and so was Light, and not one of those obviously fake ones either.

L looked to the group and his smile faded into a straight line. "You all look so...depressed."

Aizawa personally glared at the detective. Of course they looked depressed, they had nothing to do but watch L slowly rot.

L picked up on the rude facial expression that was directed towards him. "You can go home if you don't feel up to working today, mister Aizawa."

"Working? Yeah right, we haven't done any work since you decided to starve yourself to death."

Everyone in the room was quiet. They hadn't expected anyone to say something like that. All eyes were on L, waiting for a retort.

If this were about anything else, L probably would have something snarky to say. This was different though. That had cut him deep. He wasn't known to be sensitive, but he was really self conscious lately and what Aizawa had said wasn't helping.

In fear that L might either start crying or screaming at someone, Light took him by the shoulder and steered him to their desk. Meanwhile Soichiro and Matsuda looked at Aizawa like he'd just killed someone. They almost looked ashamed. Matsuda was thinking about scolding him, but decided that it was best not to.

L crouched in his chair and stared at the floor. _Was it that obvious? Did he look that sick to the others as well? _

Light wasn't sure why he felt so concerned. But right now wasn't the time for self-psychology. He felt bad for someone, and that was important. He put a hand on L's shoulder gently, only L decided to shrug it off.

Honestly, Light looked a little offended. He was offering comfort, actual fucking comfort. And L was rejecting it.

L began chewing on his thumb in anxiety. "You don't really care. But thank you for at least pretending and trying to make me feel cared for."

Okay, now that was like a slap in the face. Light grasped the back of L's chair and spun it so he could face him. He grabbed both of L's shoulders and stared at him.

"Don't even start with me! After all the shit I've done for you, _with you_." Light wasn't minding the fact that he was speaking aloud.

The others were staring now, it seemed that their entertainment came from these two.

Matsuda leaned over to Soichiro. "Do you think they're going to fight again?"

Soichiro shrugged, honestly not being able to tell. Before their previous fight, their posture was hostile. But Light looked a little defensive more than offensive this time.

L narrowed his eyes, not letting Light's closeness get to his head. "What you gave me was false affection to get what you wanted. I already gave you what you wanted, why are you still being nice to me? Just go ahead do what you're going to do anyway."

The other three men looked at each other, all thinking the same thing: _'Affection?'_

Light was confused. L was in such a good mood just minutes ago, now he was at his throat? It didn't make any sense.

"Are you seriously doing this? You were so happy this morning and now you're mad at me. You know Ryuzaki, you're lucky you have so much authority or you would be getting your ass hauled off to the fucking nut house so you can finally get over this damn eating disorder."

L smiled. And it was fucking creepy.

Light backed off a bit, not being too sure what was going on in L's head at the moment.

L stood up, trying to ignore the aching in his tail bone. He'd have to remember to sit on a pillow from now on to stay comfortable.

He walked over to the other three and shoved his hands in his pockets.

"Mister Yagami, I have something to announce." L sounded overly confident, and that scared Light. Was he about to tell them about his 'confession'?

Soichiro only nodded. Even though it wasn't directed at them, the other two were just as eager to know.

L cleared his throat for dramatic effect. He looked out the corner of his eye, seeing a distressed looking Light.

"I would like to inform you that I have given your son a blow job and he thoroughly enjoyed it." L had said it so monotone, topping it all off be nonchalantly scratching his head.

Light yanked on the chain of the handcuffs like his life depended on it. L almost stumbled over, but managed to catch his balance.

L made his way back to Light and sat down in his usual chair as if nothing had happened. Light was left to either sit down as well or to start explaining and beg his father not to freak out.

Soichiro stood up and grabbed his jacket. "I think I need some air."

Matsuda stood up with an outreached hand and a look of concern. "Chief...are you alright?"

Aizawa shook his head and stood up to pull Matsuda away. "I think we should leave him alone for this one."

"Light, is he being serious?" Matsuda was now turning to the Yagami that was still in the room.

Light didn't say a thing, he only sat down. A wash of embarrassment came over him, and that was rare. The worst part was that L wasn't saying anything. Aizawa and Matsuda went after Light's father to try and make sure he wasn't outside losing it.

The room became quiet enough to hear a pin drop. Without the others in the room, Light felt up to talking.

"That was highly uncalled for." Light had to keep himself from bashing L's face in right here and now.

"So was that comment about me. Do you honestly think I belong in a mental health facility?" L was scorned at the moment. Certain comments hurt more when they came from someone you're in love with.

Light leaned his face into his hands. He knew that he fucked up by saying that.

"No, I don't think so. But what I do think is that you need to take care of yourself." Light was starting to feel a little sentimental now. L could sense that he was being genuine for once. "I'm actually...a bit worried about you."

L had to look the other way to hide the oncoming smile. He didn't want Light to mistake it for a sarcastic one. He then composed himself back into his usual stoic self.

"Why are you worried? This is what you want isn't it? My death?"

Light could tell that it hurt L just to ask that. He'd have to be careful and not say anything that could be interpreted as _mean_.

"Yes. I mean, no. But...I'm a mess aren't I?" Light slumped down in his seat. He couldn't deal with his own emotions, let alone someone else's.

L smirked. "Yes, you are a mess, Light. But you're honest when you're coming undone. So by all means, continue being a mess for me."

Light couldn't help but smile gently at that comment. He was being a more honest man lately. Light didn't want to admit it, but it was all due to this whole _thing _developing between him and L.

"Putting Kira and everything else aside, I'm worried about you. I don't like seeing you like this. You're deathly underweight, if you lose anymore I'm sure we'd all be burying you soon." Light could imagine it now. L fainting and everyone thinking it was Kira, but it would turn out to be the starvation.

L looked as if he had figured out the world's greatest mystery. "Kira can control his victims before their death."

Light looked puzzled, but then he figured out what L was getting at. He put his hands up in defense. "Whoa, don't even think like that. I'm not that creative."

The look on L's face went away as the logic came in to replace it. "Hm, I suppose you're right. This is a little too odd for _Kira_."

Light relaxed a little. He didn't need L mad at him for multiple things; especially something he actually wasn't doing.

"So can we make a deal?"

L perked up a bit. "What kind of deal might this be?"

Light reached for L's hand, being careful not to act too fast and freak him out. He held it tightly in his own, trying his best to seem gentle and caring. This wasn't his thing, but he was actually feeling things for someone and he wanted to try and convey that. L's hand started to sweat a bit from Light's body heat. The other man was so much warmer compared to him.

"Ten pounds. At least grant me that much." Light wasn't doing it on purpose, but he started stroking L's hand gently with his thumb. It was soothing the other man and scaring him at the same time.

L looked down at their joined hands, wishing Light would just keep doing it. He liked it mostly because it didn't seem forced like their physical contact before this. "Ten pounds, then what?"

To L's dismay, Light's thumb stopped. "Then I'll sleep with you. You'll still be underweight, but I do get that it won't be easy for you to just gain weight instantly. I've read up on anorexia, and they say it takes a lot of time for someone to start eating normally again."

L narrowed his eyes, mildly offended that Light was so quick to diagnose him with _anorexia_. But Light's hand around his own kept him from getting too angry.

"Fine, ten pounds. But can you at least start being more true to your feelings until then? Who knows, I might lose interest in you by time I gain it back." Head games were always fun.

Light smirked and pulled L into him. He kept his face within kissing distance, but didn't move forward enough to make it happen. L looked nervous and like he was anticipating being kissed by Light.

Light immediately let the other man go. "See, you're not going to lose interest anytime soon. Just being close to me makes you start shaking."

L frowned and turned to look at his blank computer monitor. "Don't be so full of yourself, that's just from lack of nutrition." He was just lying to himself now. "We're going to have to do something about that god complex of yours. It can get irritating."

"Oh come _on_ Ryuzaki, there's not a single thing you dislike about me." Like reached to turn his computer on.

"...You kill people, _there's _one."

Light sat back up and stared at L intently, not finding any humor in his face. "I'll give you that one."


	13. Forever

**Oh my god this chapter is short. I will make sure the next one is longer and more interesting. **

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><p>Light's father had soon returned along with Matsuda and Aizawa. Light had almost forgotten about that little scene L had created ealier.<p>

Soichiro walked over to Light who looked like he was about to break down in embarrassment. He put a firm hand on his son's shoulder and sighed.

"I didn't know what to think, so I called your mother." Soichiro looked ashamed in himself that he couldn't deal with this is on his own.

Light stood up quickly from his seat. "Are you kidding me? Why did you have to call mom?" He was terrified now.

L was staring at Light with an apologetic look. He knew that what he had said was uncalled for and now he was regretting it. It wasn't like L had to worry about someone getting mad at _him_. Watari honestly couldn't care less about what L did regarding his romantic life.

"I'm not sure. Maybe because your mother can handle you and your sister better than I can. But don't get too upset, she wasn't angry." Soichiro was surprised that Sachiko hadn't thrown a fit about Light doing something sexual with another man, but times were changing he supposed.

Light sat back down and buried his face in his hands. "Oh god...what did she say?"

Soichiro was avoiding eye contact with L now that he knew his son was messing around with him.

"Not much really. She told me it wasn't my business and to leave you alone about it. So I suppose I'll do just that." The older man turned his back to join the others. "But please, Light. If you and Ryuzaki end up becoming serious about each other, you can tell me. I'm your father, I'll understand."

Light nodded, appreciating that the conversation was finally over. He glared at L, only getting an innocent shrug in return.

"Ugh, let me guess. You had _deduced _that my parents wouldn't care if I was having a sexual relationship with you and that's why you weren't worried?" Light sneered.

L was pulling at a loose thread on the hem of his shirt. "No actually. I hadn't put any thought into what anyone else would think. That was just luck."

Light shook his head. He didn't want to think about this right now, he needed to get his mind off of things. He hadn't killed anyone in a while and it was putting him on edge.

L stared at Light as he began researching various topics on the internet. He was always admiring Light and he imagined that it would always be this way. Always the admirer, never the one getting admired. What was there to admire anyway? L was messy and stayed inside all day. His work kept him from developing many hobbies and he was a social retard at this point in life.

"What are you staring at?" Light had been looking at L for the past few seconds but the detective had been too lost in thought to notice.

"I was just thinking...how nice it would be to take you on a date like a normal person with romantic interest in another."

Light leaned back into his chair a little more at that. Romance was _not _his thing. But if L kept this up...

"Well don't dwell on that too much, that would be impossible." Light wasn't sure if that was true but he was hoping L would agree so they could just drop it. He could already imagine the nasty looks they would get in public from being two men on date.

L pushed his upper lip with his thumb. "Yes, that's true. I mean how would we look handcuffed together like this in public?"

Light gave a disinterested laugh in reply, pegging that as the end of the conversation. But L wasn't done yet.

"That doesn't mean we couldn't have a date here. I could always get Watari to help me out with setting it up." L's voice had a way of making nice things sound boring, especially in this case.

"What do you mean? Like dinner or something?" Light shifted an eyebrow up. If it meant L would be eating a proper meal he wouldn't be too against it.

L smirked. "I knew you would be quick to mention food. Sure, dinner, if that's what it takes. And who knows, maybe you'll slip up and tell me about how you kill." He had whispered that last part so the rest couldn't hear.

"Keep dreaming, I'm not careless enough to give you that type of information." He said it in a pleasant way, his tone not really sounding defensive as it usually would.

L looked pleased. It was nice to have a conversation with Light without anyone getting hostile. "I have one small condition though, if you don't mind of course."

Light turned to L, giving him full attention.

"During that time I want to talk about normal things." L could see the confused look on Light's face that silently asked for him to elaborate. "What I mean is that I don't want to talk about the investigation. No mentions of Kira or anything of that nature. I want us to relax and have a nice time for once. Just for one night, I want to feel like I have a normal life."

"And a normal relationship?" Light almost didn't let the words slip past his lips.

L was startled by the choice of words. "Are you implying that we're in a relationship, Light Yagami?"

Light averted his gaze upon realizing he had indeed hinted at that. "I guess so...I mean I don't know what else to call it. As long as you don't call us the _worst _thing I can think of, saying we're in a relationship is fine by me."

The detective tilted his head. "The worst thing you can think of? Are you talking about 'boyfriends'?"

The shudder that Light gave was enough to show that the word did not sound pleasant to the murderer. "Don't say that word _ever _again. It's fucking weird."

L smirked. It was hard to find something that creeped Light out. He acted confidently, resting his head on the other man's shoulder. "But you're my _boyfriend_, isn't it a little rude to ask me not to say it?" He was being purposefully annoying.

Light pushed him away almost immediately as he cringed. He could hear the others laughing, meaning that they were watching them. Light stood up once he finally got L off of him.

"I am _not _Ryuzaki's boyfriend, I am his _suspect_!" Light was fuming now. He didn't handle being bashful very well, it always turned into some form of anger.

Matsuda waved his hand. "You don't have to be embarrassed, Light. I think you guys look kinda good together in an ironic sort of way."

Aizawa was having a hard time stifling a laugh. He wasn't a big fan of either Light or L, so seeing them in this kind of situation was amusing to him. Any other time he would be complaining that they weren't taking things serious enough.

"You hear that? Matsuda says that we look good together." L was going to milk this situation for all it was worth.

"Just get back to work everyone, we don't have time for things like this." Light couldn't think of anything else to say that would get the attention off of him.

Light sat back down and laid his head on the desk. This was getting weird as fuck, and in a bad way. How did he go from murderer to _dating _the man in charge of catching him? He felt a hand on his shoulder.

L was back to looking stoic. "I see that one of Kira's weaknesses is romance. You don't like talking about it, do you? Why is that?"

Light slapped his hand away and scowled at the man. "I don't like it because it's strange."

"Hmm...most sociopaths I have caught do have trouble with relationships. I suppose it makes sense that you would be off put by this type of thing."

Light exhaled deeply as he tried to calm down. Since when did he get worked up so easily?

"A sociopath and an anorexic. I guess we do make a good pair."

"I know you're just joking, but I'm sure you'll eventually see that we are very compatible. Part of me wishes that we had met on different terms. In another world where you aren't Kira, I'm sure we would already be a couple long before now." L longed for the boldness to be able to just reach out and show affection right now, but he was a little too fearful of Light's reaction.

Light just gawked at him, amazed how L could always speak his mind so freely. "You're a strange one. You better be glad that I _like _strange."

"And you're a mystery. You better be glad that I enjoy solving them." L mocked him even though it was a true statement.

"Good luck with that. So far you aren't doing too well with getting information out of me."

"I have gotten quite a lot out of you. A partial confession is enough to deem me successful. If I start bribing you I might get more." L would leave it up to Light to figure out if that was meant to be sexual or not.

"...I don't think I would mind that. I can't make any promises of course." Light liked the idea of L on his _knees _begging for Kira to tell him how he kills. It probably wouldn't play out that way, but a guy can dream.

L saw Watari walking their way with food. He would hurry and finish this slightly inappropriate conversation. "People are known to say things they don't intend to during the glow of an orgasm." He turned to the plate being handed to him. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to eat. I do have ten pounds to gain after all."

Light stared awkwardly as L pushed his food around his plate with a fork. He would chop the food into small pieces and move them around as if he were contemplating whether or not to actually eat. Light was starting to get mildly worried until L finally starting taking bites.

Grabbing L's tea cup, Light took it upon himself to go ahead and put sugar in it.

L looked at him like he was offended. "One step at a time, Light. I can't eat food and drink sugar so suddenly all in one day. You can have that my tea." He motioned to Light's own drink which hadn't been tainted with sweetener yet. "I'll take yours."

Light rolled his eyes, reluctantly complying with the demand. "At this rate it's going to take forever for you to gain weight."

"I guess you'll just have to wait forever then, won't you?" L smiled gently, willing himself to continue eating. He had to keep reminding himself that Light was worth it. _That figuring out Kira was worth it. _


	14. Question

**-pops my head in-**

**[sweats nervously]**

**are people still into this? I mean I'm still 100% obsessed with death note and would love to continue writing this**

**I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE SOMEONE STILL WANTS ME TO UPDATE THIS**

**also in other news I got an L tattoo because I am weeaboo trash: ****wiltingboy. deviantart art/L-Tattoo-Finished-512341301**


	15. The Stars

**I'm thinking of making this into a doujin/comic soon...**

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><p>Light wasn't aware of it, but L had emailed instructions for Watari at some point in the day. Honestly L hadn't the slightest clue about how to put together a dinner date type of thing, so his email was very vague. Luckily Watari knew more than L when it came to this kind of thing.<p>

L had eaten twice today which made Light hopeful that he was really getting somewhere in recovering. Since the detective had more energy to stay awake he ended having the task force stay until nine pm.

Light was sitting with his legs crossed and tapping his finger on the desk. "It's getting pretty late."

L nodded and got up from his chair. Everyone else was gone and some of the lights in the large room were shut off since they weren't being used.

"We're going to the roof." L shoved his unchained hand into the pocket of his jeans. He himself was nervous to see what Watari had put together.

Light stood up just in case L decided to start walking and drag him along. "Why the roof exactly?"

L shrugged nonchalantly. "We'll find out when we get there." Watari had emailed L back not too long ago to inform him that they were going to be having dinner on the roof. Why they couldn't just have dinner in one of the fancier rooms in the building was beyond L.

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><p>There were a lot stairs on the way to the roof. L had to pretend he wasn't having a hard time walking up them. By the time they were both at the door L had to shake off his lightheadedness.<p>

Light pushed the door open after making sure that L was indeed alright. It had rained earlier that day but now the sky was completely clear. Light wasn't too happy about that since the stars were very much visible. This was beginning to look like a scene out of a cheesy romance movie.

Watari waited by the table he had somehow gotten up there. It was pretty nice. Usually he would have left before the two men even got there, but L was like a son to him and Watari wanted to at least see him off on his first 'date'.

L walked over to Watari but only enough to where he wouldn't pull on the handcuffs. He smiled weakly, not sure exactly how to thank him. Watari put a firm hand on his shoulder and smiled in return. He leaned in a bit.

"Be careful, but have fun. Please, just this once." Watari put his hand back to his side and walked over to Light before leaving them alone.

Light looked a little nervous. Watari never really spoke all that much and Light wasn't sure how the elderly man's head worked.

"I do not have a lot of nice things to say to you considering who you are suspected to be, but please take care of Ryuzaki."

Light stared dumbfoundedly as the old man left and shut the heavy door of the roof behind him.

L walked back to Light, looking as if he were holding in a laugh. "Don't let him scare you, Light. Watari is a very kind man. Intimidating, but kind."

"I guess so..." Light rubbed the back of his neck. Things felt awkward now. Light himself had never really been on a genuine date. The dates he'd been on were all for image or to advance his rein as Kira.

L could sense the tension in the younger man. "So...shall we?" He motioned to the table that had been set for them.

Light nodded and the both proceeded to sit down opposite to each other. The two men looked around them before doing anything else. There were lights around the railing of the roof and small potted flowers at each corner.

"Ugh...this is like a bad 80s movie." Light leaned his elbows on the table and bit his lip.

L frowned. "80s movie? I've never seen any."

Light laughed out of awkwardness. "For a man as smart you, I guess you wouldn't have the free time to watch movies."

L was staring at the trays in the middle of the table. He was not looking forward to whatever Watari had given them to eat. Light noticed this and went ahead and took the lids off of them.

Light scowled. "Steak. Rare steak..."

This had made L laugh a bit. _So Watari does have a sense of humor_.

"It makes sense. I mean you _are _a bloody thirsty creature after all."

Light's angry expression was just making L crack up all the more.

Light shoved one of the trays over to L. "Can you stop laughing, it's putting me in a bad mood."

L picked up his fork and poked at the steak. "When are you ever in a _good _mood? I suppose you drink the tears of children too?"

Crossing his arms, Light leaned back into his chair. "Just drop it. I thought you wanted this to be a nice evening?"

L looked up through his bangs. He really needed a haircut soon. Most the time he didn't care how his hair looked, but once his bangs started getting in the way he at least go them trimmed.

"You're right, I apologize." The detective picked up his knife. He really didn't like the idea of being alone with Light when there were sharp objects within reach. "So, what do you want to talk about?"

Light sighed in relief and began cutting up his own food. "Well first off I guess you could talk about yourself. I really don't know much about you."

"Usually I would be reluctant to talk about my personal life, but you do already know my name. Nothing else I could tell you would have any negative effect. Ask whatever you wish." L hesitated to eat, but he didn't want Light on his case so he started to anyway. This was starting to feel more like a chore than a date.

For some reason Light felt a lot of sentiment knowing that he could learn more about L. Most of the time talking about other people annoyed him, but L was so mysterious and covert that it was exciting to talk about him.

"Alright, for starters you could tell me who Watari is."

L looked up from his plate, seeming startled.

Light dropped his eating utensils and put his hands up in defense. "Whoa, calm down. I'm not asking for his name, just who he is to you and what role he plays."

The detective relaxed a little. He had the right to give out his _own _name, but not Watari's. L would never do that.

"Well I suppose you could call him my adoptive father. I have never addressed him as so, but that's the best way to put it." L had to fight a look of disgust as he ate. It wasn't even just because he was eating, it was mostly because he wasn't used to regular food. If it wasn't made up of sugar, L wasn't interested.

It was getting a bit cold outside and Light was wishing that he'd dressed heavier. "Adoptive father? What about your parents?"

It felt so odd for Light to ask that. He had just now realized that L had parents. Until now Light had thought of L as some type of machine that just dished out intelligence. But the man was just as human as Light was. L had a childhood just like he did.

L's body froze momentarily. Light noticed this and regretted asking. L sat down his fork and put a hand on his knee.

"They died when I was quite young. I don't really wish to talk about that part so much. But Watari took me in at his orphanage. I know you want to know more, I can see it in your body language. But you can ask anything else." L seemed to instantly recover from the brief melancholy and began eating again. Light was amused at how he held the fork.

Things were more awkward than ever. "Alright...I'll change the subject if that satisfies you." Light smoothed out the wrinkles from his jeans and stood up.

L watched him with intrigue. Light walked over to the railing and leaned against it. L didn't really know much about manners, so he wasn't phased by Light getting up in the middle of dinner. Instead he stood up and walked over to join him. L didn't get too close to the railing though. Light may be acting different now, but L wouldn't put it past him to push him off the building.

Light was looking away. He didn't want to make any eye contact right now considering he was about to say sentimental things to L.

"Are you happy when you're with me...?" Light bit his lip. This was so damn tense he could hardly handle it.

L tilted his head. He really hadn't expected that question. He shoved his hands into his pockets and stared at the other man for a moment like he was trying to figure something out.

Light mustered up the courage to take a peek at L. He was a little startled when he saw that he was being stared down with black eyes.

L laughed under his breath. "...No. I would call the feeling intrigued."

Light rolled his eyes. "Wow, don't I feel special."

"Don't be like that, Light." The detective dared to come closer. He put his hand over Light's that was tightly grasped around the rail. "People usually bore me. But you're interesting, and I like that. I like that a lot."

Light stared down at their hands. This may have been weird, but it was pleasant too and Light couldn't deny that now matter how hard he tried.

He smiled. "You're not very good with emotions, are you?"

"I'm not a robot, Light. I do have feelings." L removed his hand from Light's. "I just have a very difficult time with expressing them. That is why I get so angry when you mask your emotions with false ones. I'm jealous that you have the ability to naturally tell people how you feel. And then you go and take that ability for granted by lying all the time."

Light was silent for a good five minutes. This caused L to get side tracked and start staring into the sky. The detective was amused by the way the sky looked, so much so that he started grinning.

"What's so amusing?" Light's tone was flat since he himself had been staring off into space.

"I don't go outside very much. Sometimes I forget how the sky looks. Especially at night since it's when I usually do most of my work."

Light couldn't help but smile himself. L could be so charming in a very childish way sometimes.

"Light, promise me something." L was still looking up. "If you do decide to kill me, please make my death a peaceful one."

Something about that sentence made Light's smile drop into a frown. Most of his victims were people he'd never met before. They never knew when or how they were going to die.

"Will do." Light couldn't think of anything else to say. He felt like telling L that he had nothing to worry about, but Light wasn't sure if he would kill him or not at this point.

L's mind finally came back down to earth. "You know, I think there are _two _confessions I want from you now that I think about it."

Light groaned. _Here we go again_.

"Ryuzaki, please do not start with the sappy shit again."

L was going to ignore the fact that Light was indeed the one that was being sappy just a few moments ago.

"It could be worse, you know. Do you have any idea how many things I want to do with you right now? I'm restraining myself out of fear that you'll be pushing me off of the roof out of embarrassment."

Just to prove a point, L walked over to Light and put his arm around the younger man's waist. Light raised his eyebrows and quickly pushed L off of him.

"See? There is no one here to judge you or make fun of you. It's just us here. Why can't you relax and do as you please for once?" L was honestly getting frustrated at this point. Light was being a fucking childish prick at this point.

Light stared down at the concrete. _Was he really being that difficult_? He could feel L's eyes on him and it made him feel so incredibly nervous. He clenched his fist, weighing options in his head. It had been silent again for far too long and L's patience was wearing thin.

Light decided to say fuck it and do what he felt for once. He stepped over towards L and put a hand behind his neck, pulling him in. Light awkardly pressed his lips into L's, hoping for a good reaction.

The sudden kiss had made L lean back a little, but Light chased his mouth with his own. Light wrapped an arm around the detective's waist and held him tightly against his own out of fear that L might stumble back and fall.

L was being pushed up against the railing now. For a split second he was worried for his own safety, but Light's mouth had clouded his judgement. L tangled his fingers in Light's hair, admiring how soft it was compared to his own mess of tangles and spikes.

Light was encourging L to participate by pressing his body against him firmly. The last time they had done this L had a bloody nose and Light didn't let him do anything.

L removed one hand from Light's hair to steady himself against the railing he was practically sitting on now. Light made sure to tighten his grip around his body to ensure L that he was safe with him.

With one hand possessively yanking at Light's hair L began to boldly use his tongue. It was so different this time seeing that he could actually do what he pleased now. Light groaned in anguish, the sound barely even audible since L was muffling it.

Without really meaning to, Light shoved his free hand up L's shirt. He ignored the bones since all his brain could process at the moment was that it was L he was touching. _L Lawliet_.

L shifted his hand from Light's hair to the small of his back. He was eagerly tugging at Light's jeans for some unknown reason that was lost to him right now. Light was getting handsy with him now, sliding his hand down the front of L's own jeans.

L hissed between his teeth and balled the back of Light's shirt up in his hand. Light daringly tried to cop a feel, startling L and causing him to separate their lips.

They were both breathing heavily. L had let go of Light's shirt but was still pressed against him.

"I...really don't think you want to do that right now." L panted, wiping away whatever saliva Light had left on his lips.

Light made a confused expression, his head feeling foggy. He looked down and noticed that L had started to get hard during their little ordeal.

Light rubbed the back of his neck as he stepped back to allow L to move away from the railing.

"Shit...I didn't notice."

L buttoned his pants after noticing that Light had somehow undone them while his hand was down there. "It's completely fine...it's just that you don't want to do anything until I've completed my end of the deal."

Light rested his face in one hand. Why did he have to make that stupid request?

"I did make that rule didn't I?" Light couldn't help but stare. L was a mess. His hair was more disheveled than it had ever been and his clothes were wrinkled to hell and back. "What if we did something else? It doesn't have to be sex."

L attempted to smooth his hair down but it was reluctant. "I am not giving you another blow job."

Light frowned, slightly amused. "I'm not talking about me. I should probably do something for you."

L's otherwise pale face began to heat up. The idea of Light doing something sexual and selfless to him made him feel flustered. "As long as you don't mind, I'm completely open to the situation."

Light didn't need to hear anything else. He grabbed L by the hand, leading them to the door. All L could think was that they couldn't get to their room soon enough.


	16. Situations

**So I passed out on Monday and when I was awake and getting an IV I asked the nurse for a pen and some paper AND I WROTE THIS. Literally the first thing I wanted to do was write about these two homos. My life. **

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><p>L's shirt was somewhere across the room already. He had undone the handcuffs as soon as they stumbled into the room. When the two men reached the hallway Light was already all over the detective, obviously not being able to wait until they were in the safe confines of their room. There were surveillance cameras in the hallway. Luckily no one was at the headquarters to watch over the recording feed.<p>

Light one-handedly struggled with the button on L's jeans but successfully got them open and began to shove them down. L pulled on Light's lip with his teeth as he kicked his jeans off of his ankles and let them pool in a heap onto the floor.

Light shoved his hand into L's boxers. L expected his erection to be getting some attention, but instead he was a bit startled when Light's fingers were browsing different territory.

L grabbed Light's arm abruptly, giving him a confused look.

"I'm guessing you have lube considering you were originally planning for us to have sex at some point." Light removed his hand, causing L to let go of his arm.

L nodded slightly. "Nightstand." He watched as Light got up and made his way to the stand on L's side of the bed. "If we're not having sex, what do you need it for?"

Light found the small bottle in the otherwise empty drawer. "You're smart, use your brain."

L went ahead and took off his boxers considering they would just be in the way. Light was back on top of him again, only kissing his neck this time. It was a weird sensation, but L would learn to enjoy it.

Speaking of weird sensations, Light's middle finger was pressing against L's entrance.

Light looked to L's face for confirmation about if he was doing this correctly. L simply stared. He had no idea what to do or say and deemed it best not to comment on the situation.

Light frowned when he didn't get any feedback. It's not like he was looking for permission, he just needed to make sure he wasn't fucking up. L was simply holding his upper body up with his elbows. A part of him was curious and wanted to watch what Light did to him down there. It was just in L's nature to want to learn more.

Light began rubbing the sensitive area, his nail clipping the skin ever so often. L gently brought one of his feet up to nudge Light when it happened.

"Watch what you're doing, your nails are sharp." L commented, trying to relax through Light's blind prodding.

Not really having anything to say to that, Light figured it was time to get down to business before he did anything that would kill L's boner. He applied what he thought was more than enough lubrication to his index and middle finger. Light hoped this would be enjoyable for L and not just an awkward act of fingering him with no pleasing outcome.

L watched as Light began pushing in his middle finger. The detective rolled his eyes. _Of course Light would use the longest finger first._

Light's finger was in to the first knuckle, he was about to keep going but L had hissed through his teeth quite noticeably.

Light lifted an eyebrow. "Is it painful?" He sounded more interested than concerned.

L shook his head, his eyes closed. "No it isn't. But your finger is _cold_." It was an unpleasant feeling for him.

"_Excuse me_, I'm sorry that I don't wear gloves all fucking day." Now knowing that L was fine, Light went ahead and pushed his finger all the way in. He looked to L's face.

While admitting that it didn't hurt, L still thought that it felt odd.

"This is...very strange." Little did Light know, L was talking about the sensation not the act itself.

Light withdrew his finger, only to push it back in. "Good strange or bad strange?"

Not waiting for an answer, the serial killer went ahead and moved things along by moving his middle finger in and out at a safe pace. L felt his abdomen and pelvic area start to heat up. He watched, amazed at how such a simple act could make him feel so aroused. He definitely wanted to learn more about how the human body worked when he had the free time. But right now L had to focus on his _own _body.

For some reason the harder Light pressed in, the better it felt. He was getting a little hasty with the movements; the pace getting quicker and hurried. L was no longer looking down at Light, he was lying flat on his back staring at the ceiling. Occasionally when Light did something exceptionally pleasurable his hand would sneek down to grab the sheets.

"Light, you can add another one of your fingers." L's breathing was staggering his words but he still sounded confident.

Light wasn't going to waste any time. He was now finding out that he wasn't the type to be too talkative during sexual acts.

"You're not shy at all, are you Ryuzaki?" Light laughed, a little unnerved. He was a bashful person himself so being with someone so assertive would take some getting used to.

L smirked, trying to keep somewhat of a straight face. He didn't like showing emotion with his face but it was proving to be difficult not to. "I'll have you know that I haven't so much as masturbated since I was a teenager."

Light stopped his hand movements, pausing his now two fingers inside of L. "I keep forgetting that you're a lot older than I am. How old are you again?"

L sighed when Light stopped. _Why does he pick now to talk about this? _

"I'm _only _twenty five. You're eighteen, do not act like that is a huge difference. Now will you please continue? You're ruining the mood." L huffed, he was starting to feel a little cold with his whole body exposed in the room like this.

Light slid his fingers out all the way when he noticed that L's erection had gone down slightly. L sat up to see why he had stopped, only to have Light start rubbing his erection.

He didn't want to admit it, but would rather have Light stimulating his entrance than get a hand job or blow job. But anything that Light offered was fine at this point since he was so reluctant before.

"Why did you stop?" L seemed a little annoyed.

Light was about to go down on him, but stopped. "You stopped getting hard, so I figured that I should try something else."

L rolled his eyes and pushed Light's hand away from his groin. He bent down and grabbed Light by the chin and kissed him briefly.

"What you were doing was fine, you just talk too much and wouldn't allow me to enjoy it." L smiled when Light returned the small kiss. It was quite awkward when he thought about how he was kissing the same man who had murdered thousands of people. But somehow that made the situation all the more exciting.

"You don't like my voice?" Light frowned. L was so hard to read sometimes.

"Honestly, no. I hear it too often. And you never contribute to what's actually happening. You always go off on weird tangents." L pushed him away all together and went to gather his clothes and retrieve the handcuffs from the floor.

Light frowned and watched L get dressed. "So that's it? We're just going to stop?"

L glared at him. Sometimes Light was a little _too _childish. "The mood was ruined, what do you expect? Besides, I get bored easily." L was slipping on his jeans now, not really bothering to fasten the button.

L walked back to Light who was sitting on the floor in front of the bed. The detective grabbed the serial killer's hand, cuffing it to his own. Somehow it felt weird not to have them. At this point it had become normal to be chained together.

Light looked up at L like he was expecting something interesting to happen. L just sat next to him, crouching.

Light looked at the floor. "This is weird. I don't know why we're even doing this shit."

L was a little surprised at that, but tried not to show it. "Try not to think about it too much. That's what I do." He rested his head on Light's shoulder. It wasn't really out of affection, he was just tired. "Do you assume that I think this is normal? Because I don't. It's actually very wrong. You _kill _people, and you don't even care. I shouldn't be pursuing a romantic relationship with you."

Light smirked a bit. For some reason that amused him. He felt like he had somehow accomplished something. "You're completely right, Ryuzaki. This is so wrong it's almost sick. But that's what makes this interesting."

L raised the muscle where his eyebrows should be. _Damn Light wanted to know why he didn't have any. _"You're enjoying this. The thing you like most about this whole thing is that it's not enjoyable. But that in its self makes it enjoyable. I'll try not to hold that against you. I mean you _are _a sociopath, it's natural for you to be drawn to twisted things."

"But that means you're a bit evil yourself, since you're drawn to me. And in your eyes, I'm a little twisted myself." Light laughed under his breath. He could talk with L for hours and it would never get boring.

L smiled gently. "I suppose you're right. But the frightening thing is that no matter what you do I find myself wanting you even more. I remember the first time I witnessed you kill someone. Back when I did that broadcast. As soon as my stand-in died I was shocked, but mostly interested. I knew I needed to find the man who did it and find out his secrets. But I never would have guessed that I'd be sharing a room with him and making out with him on a rooftop. Life really does have a lot of odd situations to offer."

"For once, _you're _the one talking too much." Light wasn't annoyed, he just felt like stating it since it was rare.

L pulled his sleeves over his hands since he was becoming quite cold. "I don't like talking very much, but with you I could talk forever." L's eyes widened. "Sorry...that was really cheesy."

Light stood up, smoothing out the wrinkles on his pants. "The more you open up to me, the more human you seem. Especially since learning your name. I still can't believe you told me. I guess I've got you wrapped around my finger."

L frowned in annoyance. "Light, you have everyone wrapped around your finger. Especially almost every woman within a five mile radius."

Light had ignored that statement for a good five minutes while he got dressed for bed.

"...But I actually like you, so all of those people don't matter."

L smiled to himself. Light was already getting into bed, reaching over to turn the lamp off. L joined him, still staying on his respective side. He was a little startled when he felt an arm wrap around his waist in the darkness of the room. He tried to relax against Light but something in his head kept telling him to try and keep a little distance while he slept.

Who knows, Light might accidentally strangle him in his sleep. Light's natural instinct is to kill, after all.


	17. Sweet Serial Killer

**Because the world needs more dry humping.**

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><p>There was a really severe storm today so none of the task force members could get to work today. Matsuda has insisted on coming in anyway, but L had told him to stay home. Matsuda alone wouldn't be very much use anyway, but at least his heart was in the right place.<p>

L and Light had already had breakfast. Light was pleased to see that there was no fight about it and L seemed to stomach it just fine. It was already noon and the day seemed good so far. Light was lying on their bed reading while L was watching their mostly unused television. L never really watched television unless it was to help solve a case. He was watching an American drama about detectives.

"These cases are all too easy to solve within the first ten minutes." L frowned. "I don't see how people can watch this all the time."

Light laughed, eyes still glued to his book. "The average person isn't as capable of solving things as you are, Ryuzaki. For most people, the ending is usually a huge shock."

L bit his thumb, reaching for the mute button. "Maybe if I watch the next one silently, it will be more of a challenge to solve."

Light couldn't help but smile to himself. Today was so relaxing it was almost scary. L's commentary on things were amusing enough to distract Light from the rain and thunder going on outside their window. L turned his attention away from the television show and to Light.

"Light I'm bored." The detective's voice was flat and matched his expression, or lack thereof.

Light sighed deeply, folding the corner of the page and closing the book. "What do you want _me _to do, start telling jokes?"

"I couldn't hurt." L knew he was being sarcastic, but at this rate anything would entertain him.

Light groaned_. L acted like such a child sometimes_. But he did come up with a joke to tell.

"Being a sociopath is a real killer."

L narrowed his eyes. "I bet you're proud of yourself for that one. I guess jokes aren't going to cut it."

Light was about to pick his book back up, but he stopped. This was all too surreal. He and L were just lounging around doing nothing all day together on a stormy day. What were they, a married couple? Light rested his face in his hands.

"This is so stupid."

L turned to Light from his spot on the floor. "Come again?"

Light uncovered his face, looking almost angry. "This is miserable. It's only going to be like this until one of us kills the other. We can't just ignore that fact."

L rolled his eyes. Light was such a mood killer. Last night, now today. Couldn't he just give it a rest already and enjoy the rare moments of happiness they had?

Instead of approaching this with aggression, L thought he'd try a different route. He stood up from the floor, ignoring his aching lower back. He sat on the edge of the bed where Light was sitting. L placed a shaking hand over Light's clenched one. L's fingers were so much longer and thinner than Light's they almost looked scary next to each other.

"I can't stand you. I can't stand what _you do_. And that makes me thing about myself, how I'm involved with you anyway. Despite everything you've done up until now, I still have feelings for you. That's kind of a miracle. I'm sure we'll both come out of this alive if you decide to change somehow. And if you can't change, maybe I can work something out with the police if you finally get caught. It may be life in prison, but I'm sure that's better than execution."

Light sneered at the though of being caught and sent to prison. He was above that. He was above the law. At least that's how he saw things.

"I'm just trying to get rid of criminals, I don't know why everyone can't just see that."

L shook his head, smiling for some reason. "So you're trying to put me out of a job. If there were no criminals in the world I would have nothing to do with my life." He tried to joke around a little to lighten the atmosphere.

Light turned his head to look out the window. He hated rain, it made things feel more sentimental than they actually were.

"You could always stay with me. With Kira." Light would admit he felt a little stupid after saying that. But he could definitely see that future. L by his side as he reigned as Kira. Anyone that refused to give up their name, L could use his wit to help Light find out their identity. But that would never happen, L would never give in to that kind of life.

L removed his hand from Light's. "You must be crazier than I had suspected. That's not going to happen for reason that are so obvious I'm not even going to bother explaining."

Light nodded. He couldn't argue that. There was no reason for L to comply. L grabbed the remote, turning it to the news to see if the weather would be okay tomorrow.

There was a breaking news broadcast, the red banner scrolling at the bottom of the screen. There was a female new anchor talking about a family that had been murdered by a man that was the suspect of a few armed robberies.

L frowned. He was so ashamed of the human race. There were photos of the family on the screen, making him feel even worse. He heard Light mumble something from next to him.

"If I had gotten rid of him, maybe that family would still be alive." Light's voice was a little monotone, like he was thinking about something.

L's eyes widened. He slowly turned his head to look at Light. "If you had killed this man, those people would still be alive." He felt the need to repeat that out loud.

Light hadn't noticed what he had said until L was looking at him strangely. "Y-yeah, that's what I said." He looked a little worried, L was acting weird.

Before now, Light's killings seemed pointless and selfish. They were masked by the need to kill, the criminal part was Light's justification. But now L could see how if Light did indeed kill this man, it could prevent more deaths.

The wheels were turning in Light's head. He could tell what L was thinking right now. If he played his cards right...

Light put a hand on L's shoulder and brought his mouth close to his ear. "You know, the murderer is still on the run. Who knows if they'll catch him, or if he'll kill someone else before they do."

L tried to fight what Light was telling him. While there was logic to what he was insinuating, it was still wrong...right? But not only would it prevent more deaths, it would also let L witness how Kira killed.

L swallowed, he throat feeling like it was closing up. _Is this what they call anxiety_?

"Maybe...just this once, it would be alright."

Light smiled a little widely. It made him look sick. He felt like he just won something.

"I'll do it, I just need to be in a different room than you." Light was about to get up but L grasped his sleeve to keep him in place.

L kept his eyes on the floor. He was afraid that if he looked at the pleased expression on Light's face he would back out of this. He couldn't do that, _he need to know_.

"No. Do it in front of me. I want to see." L bit his lip, his hand trembling far too much to chew on his thumb instead.

Light raised an eyebrow. "Wouldn't that basically give you evidence?"

L finally looked at him. "No it wouldn't. There is nothing to record you killing, and there are no witnesses except me. I am gaining something from this as well. The manner in which you kill is the most mysterious thing about this case. Just do it, think of it as compensation for you learning my name. Now we both have something on each other."

"...Fine. But I do need you to uncuff me for a few minutes. I need to get something that I've hidden. I'm alright with you seeing how I do it, but I don't want you to find the place where I put it." Light showed L his wrist, waiting for it to be freed.

L looked skeptical at first, but decided Light was being honest. He got the key and did as the other man wished. Light walked to the door and opened it.

"I'll be back in a minute, just sit still."

L watched the door close, feeling anxious. What was Light going to get? And just where was he hiding it? He couldn't imagine what Light used to murder, so whenever Light walked back into that door he would have to be careful.

L kept his eyes glued to the news. The murderer hadn't let the scene of the crime too long ago, so police were out looking for him.

Light twisted the door knob and pushed it open. He walked in slowly, he was sure that L would be a little weary when he walked in.

L's posture was tense now, he was watching Light carefully now. Any strange movements and he'd have to call someone to apprehend him.

"So...I'm guessing you brought it." L cleared his throat. He was so damn nervous.

Light smiled twistedly. He hadn't been able to kill in quite a while, he was glad he finally had the opportunity. "Yeah, I have it here."

Light lifted his shirt and pulled the death note out from the place he had slid it in the back of his jeans. He had carried it that way since there were cameras in other parts of the building.

L narrowed his eyes as he tried to get a better look at what Light was holding. Was that a...

"A notebook?" L looked confused now. Light had walked into the room with _a motherfucking notebook. _

Light couldn't hold back the laugh. "I know it looks stupid. I was skeptical at first too. But I soon learned that this thing was the real deal."

Light sat back on the bed, handing the notebook to L so he could inspect it.

L held the death note with his fingers at the top. "Death note."

Light nodded. "Open it."

L did so, flipping past the rule pages. He would look at those later, provided Light let him. L stopped when he got to a certain name.

"Lind L Taylor's name is in here." L stared at it, the name was written hugely across the page.

Light shrugged like they _weren't _looking at a murder weapon. "Yeah, I was a little riled up that day. You really got me. I was so pissed off when I found out that it wasn't really you."

L was still confused. It was just a name...written on a page.

"This interesting and all, Light. But how are you going to kill that murderer with a _notebook_?" L flipped through the notebook some more, sickly marveling in the amount of names in it. There must have been over a thousand.

Light gently took the death note from him, turning it to a new page. "I don't think you get it, Ryuzaki. This _is _how I kill."

Light rolled his eyes when L _still _looked perplexed. He didn't blame him though, it _was _just a notebook at first glance. He went ahead and reached into his pocket to pull out a pen. Light looked to the television, reading the name of the man that the police were searching for.

L watched as Light wrote the name down smoothly without any hesitation. When he was done, Light closed the death note and leaned back onto the bed, waiting.

"It'll take a little longer to confirm his death since he's not in custody, but the police should find him soon since he won't be able to go anywhere now."

Looking puzzled, L stared at Light. He seemed so relaxed. L picked the notebook up and turned it to the first page of rules and began reading. There were so many pages that it could keep him busy for hours if he analyzed them one by one.

Not ten minutes later, the news was back to reporting. L grabbed the remote and turned the volume up louder.

"Police have found the suspect Soseki Takahashi dead in his car. He crashed into a guard rail but the cause of death seems to be unrelated to the crash. We will have more details later after the autopsy. Could this be the work of Kira?"

L muted the television, looking to Light for an explanation.

"You read the rules, you know what the death note does. Don't look at me like that. I know it's hard to believe, but trust me, _I'm _the one who did that." Light looked so damn proud of himself. He felt more content now after finally being able to off someone.

L rested his hands on his knees as he regained his composure.

"I see...so that's how it's done. A..._notebook_. I honestly never would have guessed." He would accept it even if he still couldn't wrap his head around it.

Light frowned and wrapped an arm around L's thin waist. "Don't look so upset. Think about how many people I just saved. I'm sure that family's relatives are glad to know that man is dead."

L knew he was being manipulated, but he couldn't help but want to think what Light just did was a good thing. Especially since Light was so close to him right now, giving him a small amount of affection. He smiled. _You're good, Light. You've played me well. _

Light's eyes narrowed, but in a relaxed way. He was staring into L's eyes, grabbing him by the back of the neck. L relaxed when he felt gentle lips on his own. _Why was Light kissing him? Was it the high off of the kill?_

Light moved his lips slowly against they detective's, slowly moving him to lie underneath him on the bed. L allowed Light to hover over him while he kissed him. It was oddly passionate. The other times were either shy or rough. L had to admit that he liked Light better when he was killing.

L began shoving Light away when a hand went up his shirt. He didn't want an awkward repeat of last night.

Light caught the wrist of the hand L was pushing him away with. "Calm down." _His voice was so soft_. "I'm not going to do anything, I just want to touch you.."

L felt his face heat up when Light began feeling him up all while kissing his neck in multiple places. It was weird. This actually felt...loving.

L reached to put his hands on Light's lower back, pushing his shirt up and feeling his skin. He was so much warmer than L was. L had to fight the groan stuck in his throat when Light began gently sucking on his neck. He was glad everyone knew about them already, now he wouldn't have too hard of a time explaining the marks Light was making.

Light returned to L's lips. He was going back forth between kissing him and gently pulling on his lip with his teeth. L didn't know what he was doing, but he found himself putting his hands on Light's waist, pulling it down to meet his own.

By instinct of arousal, Light rubbed his partial erection against L's through his jeans. L hissed a little, the material feeling a little odd against him. Light stopped kissing him for a moment to make sure L wasn't angry or anything.

L was a little out of breath. "It's fine, do what you want. Just...keep our clothes on."

Light smiled before returning to kissing L. He kept grinding against L, feeling the man beneath him getting harder along with him. It was a shame all they could do was dry hump each other, but it was better than nothing.

Getting a little hasty, L began grinding his waist up into Light instead of waiting for the other man to do it. Light had to remove his lips from L's mouth to catch his breath. He opened his eyes for a moment to look at L. He looked so different in an amazing way. L was enjoying himself for once. His eyes were closed and his mouth open to retrieve lost air into his lungs. A few hushed moans were released every now and then whenever Light would press against him especially hard.

The rain was falling down heavier now, blocking out any thoughts that would make either of them stop.

L blindly tangled his fingers in Light's hair, bringing his face down again for a sloppy but meaningful kiss. L was pushing against Light harder now, definitely a sign that this would end soon. Light wasn't disappointed, they had actually been doing this for a long time now surprisingly.

As good as he felt right now, _and he felt really good_, Light was getting a little annoyed by L's fingers tugging his hair. Light grabbed each of his hands with his own, pushing his arms flat against the bed at either side and hold them there.

Light dipped his head down to kiss L lazily one last time before the finished. He ground his hips against L's one last time and held them there for good measure. At first L rubbed against him a few more times before cumming and relaxing his hips back into the bed.

Light leaned his head against L's shoulder, finally satisfied with one of their sexual encounters. Now that he thought about it, this was the first time it involved both of them on the receiving end of pleasure. Light couldn't wait to find out what it would feel like when they had sex for real.

"Augh..._fuck_." Light cursed as he got off of L.

L was finally calming down but his heart rate was still going. "What is it?" He leaned up.

"That was really good and all, but I need a shower now." Light motioned to the front of his jeans. "Sitting around like this all day isn't exactly a pleasant idea." Light really didn't like the feeling of having his own cum plastered to his groin.

L nodded and sat up, his legs still a little weak. "I see your point, I'll join you then."

Surprisingly, Light didn't object to L showering with him. But it was probably because he was too worn out.


	18. Sick

**Wow sorry for the short chapter. I used this as a venting mechanism for myself, so you guys got a new chapter out of it. Thinking about taking an interesting turn in this story in a few chapters.**

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><p>Skinny skinny skinny skinny skinny skinny skinny skinny skinny skinny skinny he's so damn <em>skinny<em>.

It was all Light could think today. L had been more active, walking around the room instead of sitting the entire time. His slumped posture looked even more tiresome. The pale shirt was practically hanging from his even paler frame.

_'I thought he was getting better'_. Light was confused. Things seemed to be going well recently. He thought that the only thing he needed to worry about was the fact that he had killed someone in front of L. But now there were other issues.

L had sat back down, pulling Light away from his thoughts.

Light leaned his chin against his hand. "Done walking?" His tone was almost punishing.

L frowned. "I felt the need to sit, my chest has been aching and it gets worse when I stand."

"Have you told Watari about this? Don't you ever see a doctor?" Light dropped the harshness and now voiced his concern. Chest pain was never a good sign.

He was struggling to find a comfortable way to sit. "I see no need. If I die, then I die. I do not wish to fight the work of nature."

Light rolled his eyes. _Really_? "That's just the thing though, Ryuzaki. This _isn't _natural. Our bodies are designed to eat, and from the look of it, you _aren't_."

For some reason, L smiled at that. "But I am."

There was a look of confusion from Light. It was true, he was the other man eat. He wasn't lying. But why was L getting thinner?

Light stood up suddenly, grabbing L by the wrist roughly. The task force members didn't even pay mind to it, they were used to these things by now.

Light brought the detective into an empty hallway to talk. He looked angry but also wounded. L was gently pressing his hand against his own chest, the stabbing pain very noticeable.

"How could you start throwing up again?"

Now L was a little surprised. He thought that he had gotten away with it. He would eat the most before bed and when Light was asleep he would unlock his own handcuff to go vomit.

"...I need to, that's why." L didn't feel like talking about this. Not with Light. Not when he was so tired that he didn't even feel like _being _right now.

Light harshly jerked on L's wrist. He used it as emphasis as to how much this was hurting _him _too. L just turned his head away to stare at nothing. This was painful enough to experience on his own and watching Light be effected by it wasn't exactly fun.

"I can't believe someone as intelligent and amazing as you are...would just throw it all away by doing something they don't have to do." Light shook his head and finally let go of L.

L looked back to the murderer with hints of sadness in his eyes.

"I could say the same about you though, Light." He tried smiling, but his lips just fell back down into a scowl.

Light narrowed his eyes and turned to pound his fist into the wall out of frustration. It was either the wall or L, and Light didn't think L could take a hit right now. He was already taking a beating from himself.

"Sometimes...I think about writing your name down just to put you out of this shit." Light exhaled the sentence.

L walked closer to the younger man, making sure his face was close enough to make Light feel unsettled.

"Do it. See what happens to you afterwards. You are not god, you will never be god, so stop thinking like one. Without that notebook you're just another overachieving little boy with good looks. That's all you are, and that's all you'll ever be." The smile managed to stay this time.

Light ignored his previous thoughts and went ahead and punched L in the stomach before holding him against the wall by his throat.

He brought his face close, feeling the struggling breathes from L's mouth on his face.

"And you'll just be a pathetic loner who hides away because he's afraid of the real world."

L opened his mouth and somehow managed to find his words. "I've seen the real world, Light. You'll never see it. You're stuck in a fantasy world. I have seen a lot of fucked up things in my life. You could never imagine the types of murders I have seen. Case files upon case files of decapitated bodies, parents forced to kill their own children, dead bodies hoarded in homes, you name it I've seen it. Yet you go around giving people _heart attacks_, sometimes making them kill themselves or get hit by a car. _Oh_, you must think you're _so _powerful. You don't even do your own dirty work. I can truely say that I am unimpressed."

Light had heard enough, he let go of L's throat and began walking away. Of course the handcuffs didn't allow him to walk alone. L tried ignoring his bruising throat and still aching chest while he followed down the hall. It had been quiet, but Light had to have the last word.

"Fuck you, L Lawliet." Light hissed the words out while he stopped walking. He didn't bother looking at the detective.

L shivered unpleasantly at the use of his full name. But he knew that Light was just using it as a reminder that he knew it. That it even existed.

"If you're angry enough tonight, you probably will fuck me. I wouldn't put it past you, you're sick enough."

"You and me both."

L knew what he meant, but just kept walking instead. He would need to find a new way to puke without Light finding out.


End file.
